Homeschool Resource Guide

The Five C’s of a Successful Homeschool Family

As school started back this year, I took some time to ponder what we could do to make our homeschool year successful. I thought of our past years of homeschooling. What were the great moments? Why were they great? What were the not-so-great moments? What made them not so great? As I revisited these homeschool highs and lows, several key factors became obvious to me. I wanted to share them here in hopes that I will inspire other homeschool parents to incorporate these elements in your own homeschool—if you aren’t doing so already.

Caring

The saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care,” is true of your children as well. As parents and teachers, we must capture our children’s hearts before we can capture their minds. It is so easy to fall into the busyness of life—to become so focused on our accomplishments and checklists of each day. We become so busy being teachers that we forget to be mommy and daddy. Our children crave our love and nurturing. They need to feel our affectionate touch in the midst of their day. They need to hear our words of praise and encouragement. They need to laugh with us. I know that, too often, I look up and realize an entire day has gone by without me just being mom and removing my witch (I mean, teacher) hat. Even worse, sometimes I could even go a whole day without smiling if I am not careful! I bark out orders, grade papers and keep on task—but have I truly cared for my children? I know from experience that my children respond better when I relax and have fun with them instead of being a slave driver.

Consequences

In balance with a loving, nurturing parent is a discipline-oriented parent. A successful homeschool family is one where the chain of command is firmly established. The marriage relationship remains at the center of the family dynamic. While the children know they are loved and treasured by their parents, they also know where they fit in the scheme of things. They have a healthy respect for their parents and that respect is a part of their daily life. These children have been taught from early on that there are natural, logical consequences that result from bad behavior, disrespect and poor decisions. Though these consequences are difficult at times to carry out, both parent and child will attest to the fact that these are necessary life lessons that shape who they will become long after homeschooling is over.

Communication

A key element throughout the family is communication. The marriage relationship should be built on good communication between husband and wife. Likewise, communication should be taking place between all of the family members—sibling to sibling, parent to child, child to parent, etc. A home can either be the place where communication is learned and strengthened or broken down. Is your home noisy? Good. That means everyone has something to say and wants to be heard. Even more important, if you listen to what your children have to say, you are showing them how much you value them as people. So, talk about everything. Answer their hundreds of questions. Tell them about yourself and share your stories from childhood. Tell them who they are and what you see in them. Cast a vision for their future. Read aloud and discuss what you read. Use your time at home with them to communicate, and don’t forget to thank the Lord for your noisy home!

Consistency

Children value routines. They want their lives to be dependable and predictable. They like knowing what’s coming and what they can expect each day. For this reason, it falls on parents to be consistent in our discipline, our daily routine, our beliefs and our promises. We must do what we say we will do. If we are haphazard in our parenting, then our children will likely reflect that in their behavior. Although it takes more effort to be consistent, the investment of our time to do so is well worth it because of what it does to produce secure, confident kids.

Commitment

Homeschooling is a commitment on so many levels. It means committing to less income as at least one parent must be home to school the children. It means committing to our children to make their character development and education our top priority. It means committing to our family to live differently from the status quo. It means committing before God to live out that which He has called us to—no matter how tough it gets.

Homeschooling will look different in every home. The curriculum, methods, personalities, schedules and many other variables will be vastly different for each family. But no matter what your homeschool looks like, you can still implement these five C’s in your home. These five C’s will be possible only because of five other C’s: You have been called and challenged. You are capable and confident because of Christ. Lean on Him, and you will be a successful homeschool family.

The Three Elusive Elements of Every Homeschool Mom’s Life

There are three things in life that seem to elude me no matter how hard I try to grasp them. I have agendas, tactics and plans. I have hopes, prayers and dreams. And yet, where these three things are concerned, I just can’t seem to ever arrive. I thought it would be nice if I could share these three elusive elements of my life with you and see if you would agree.

The first element is privacy. What is it about a homeschool mom’s life that lends itself to a complete and total lack of privacy? It is as if, when you sign on to be a homeschooler, you sign off on ever going to the bathroom alone again, ever having a private phone conversation, or ever reading an email without someone reading over your shoulder. My kids are my “mostly companions” as Eloise says, and that means that I do everything with them—everything. Sometimes I just want a bit of privacy. I want to be alone. Before I had kids, I would not be caught dead eating in a restaurant alone. Now, I take my book, order my food and eat in total peaceful oblivion, and I am happy about it. My needs are quite simple. I just want some peace!

The second element is patience. I want to be a sweet mom—one of those moms who does not raise her voice, who always speaks gently to her kids and has loads of that elusive quality—patience. I don’t know about you, but I have found that when people find out that I homeschool they always seem to say the same thing: “Oh, you must be soooo patient.” The way they say it makes me envision them seeing me with a halo hanging over my head. Ha! Just ask my kids! God did not call me to homeschooling because I was patient; He called me to homeschooling to teach me patience and dependence on Him daily.

The third element is perfection. Would the perfect homeschool mom please raise her hand? I used to believe you were out there—that elusive perfect homeschool mom. I used to think that if I just read enough, just went to enough homeschool conferences, just bought the right curriculum, just prayed enough, etc., I had a chance at becoming the perfect homeschool mom. I sought after perfection, yet it managed to stay just beyond my grasp. I just knew that other moms had perfectly clean houses, where perfectly behaved kids dutifully did their schoolwork, and perfectly sweet husbands brought home take-out and flowers at the end of the day. Why couldn’t I have that in my home? I wondered. For a long time I thought I just needed to try harder. Eventually, I gave up and decided to relax. So what if I could not have perfection? At least I could have a loving relationship with my kids and my husband in my decently clean house. That was the best I could do. And you know what? In the end I found that, it might not be perfect, but it was enough—enough in the eyes of my family and enough in the eyes of God. I want to stand before Him someday and say, “I did my best.” And I want to hear Him say in return, “I know.”

Privacy, patience and perfection continue to elude me. I wish I could tell you I have a foolproof method for obtaining these three things. The bad news is, I don’t think any homeschool mom will be able to say that. I think every day we all get up and do the very best we can. We struggle and fail. We cry out to God when we are at the end of our rope and ask Him to be our portion of peace and our portion of patience. We may not be perfect, but we know the One who is. And that is what makes all the difference.

Ten Passions for Homeschooling

One hot summer afternoon, my husband, Spencer, and I were arriving home from running errands. We were listening to the news on the radio and heard about a family that was being taken to court for teaching their own children. This radio program started our twenty-six year adventure in homeschooling. At the time, our oldest child—daughter, Alexa—was one, well under the compulsory attendance age. We had never heard of homeschooling, and we had opposite reactions. Spencer thought it was a great idea, and I thought it was horrible. Within a few weeks, God had changed my mind. Everywhere I turned I heard Raymond Moore’s voice. He was on TV and radio. What he said piqued my interest. I read every book that I could find on the subject, all two of them—Raymond Moore's Home Grown Kids and John Holt's Teach Your Own. I became convinced that children were better off at home with their parents, at least for the first few years of school. In the beginning, we thought that when they were developmentally ready, they could go to school. However, as the years passed and we saw the benefits of homeschooling, we decided to keep them home until they graduated from high school. After twenty-six years of homeschooling four children, we have just graduated our youngest. As you can imagine, this time is a very sentimental, emotional and contemplative time for me. I have been thinking about why I homeschooled, what the benefits have been and what I have learned along the way. I am writing this article to share some of these thoughts.

My reasons for beginning to homeschool were:

1. I wanted my children to learn and to love to learn—not just to play the game solely to make a good grade.
2. I did not want my children to have to deal with peer pressure or be socialized by other kids and teachers.
3. I wanted my children to learn at their own paces and not have to fit into a mold. I wanted their education to be individualized.

Through the years we became aware of other reasons for homeschooling such as wanting them to have a Christian education, wanting them to have time to pursue their interests, wanting them to develop their creativity, and so on. As I look back, my original reasons are still important to me, but the most important benefit I have observed and experienced is the positive effect homeschooling has had on family relationships. It is hard to talk about my four wonderful children without "bragging." God has blessed us amazingly. The children love each other and have close relationships, and they honor us as their parents. I believe that homeschooling was very instrumental in producing these close relationships.

From my experience of rearing and homeschooling four children who are now successful adults, I would like to share with you ten passions that I have for homeschooling and parenting (How do you separate the two?).

1. “Better late than early” is true. This principle got us started, and I continue to believe in it. It is so important in the early years to not push academics. Make learning as fun, stress-free and real as possible. Don't push in the elementary years and really push in the high school years. Make middle school the transition between the two.
2. Sacrifice in the early years will pay off in the later years. Being a good parent and homeschool teacher takes lots of self-sacrifice and denying oneself. The years of parenting little ones can be physically draining, and the desire to escape can be strong. Keep telling yourself that now is the time to delay gratification. The time will come when you can take more time for yourself. I remember being envious of my friends whose children were in school because they could go to lunch with the girls while I was stuck at home. I remember telling myself that the time would come when I could also go to lunch with friends. That time did come, and now I can go to lunch with my fiends almost any time I want.
3. Enjoy your children. This is just about the only piece of advice that my single-parent, working mother gave me about parenting. Don't let the pressures of life, homeschooling and parenting take away your enjoyment of your children. They need to know that they are enjoyed, and you need to enjoy them.
4. Respect your children. They are made in God's image just as you are. Yes, you are their parents and are responsible for them, but you are not their God. Their relationship with God is just as valid and real as yours. Your Christian children are your brothers and sisters in Christ. This is a very important perspective to have as you deal with them, especially in the teen years.
5. Be consistent. Don't make promises or threats you may not keep. My kids joke now about how I would never make commitments to allow them to do anything until almost the last minute. "Mom, can we do to the park?" "Maybe." "Mom, can I try out for a play next year?" "We'll see." "Mom, can I have a birthday party?" "Probably." Being consistent is one way that we teach our children to trust us.
6. Treat them uniquely. Just as God treats each one of us uniquely but loves us all the same, we need to treat each of our children as unique individuals. Each one needs tailor-made training. This concept is true not just in academics but in all areas. What works for one child may not work for another and may not be the path or direction that God has for them. Don't fall into the trap of following the “ten easy rules” of anything.
7. Pray continually for wisdom and guidance. Always be praying about your parenting and homeschooling, seeking guidance from our Father and trusting Him. The opposite of following the ten easy rules is to seek Him for guidance in each decision. Remember that He is also the Father who created them and has a plan for them.
8. Focus on their heart. Be less concerned with what they do than with who they are. The sin is not the action but the heart problem that caused the action. As our kids grow older, this perspective becomes more and more important. Their hearts need to belong to God. Keep pointing them to Him. I got some good advice when my kids were little: their relationship with the Lord and their character should come before academics; if they had the first two things, the academics would also come.
9. Keep them home when they are young. When children are young, they need to be home with their parents and siblings. There is a growing movement to put homeschooled students in outside classes at very young ages. This movement will sabotage the benefits that come with homeschooling. Homeschooling produces results because children are taught academics and socialization by their parents who love them and want what is best for them. They grow close to their family because they spend time with them, day after day, year after year. To achieve the benefits of homeschooling, you have to actually homeschool. As the students move through the teen years and high school, there will be benefits to outside classes, but not when they are young.
10. Let go of your children as they grow through the teen years. We have to allow our children to grow up and gradually make more of their own decisions about how they will live their lives. This is part of respecting who they are in the Lord. We need to allow them to become an adult while living at home. So, that when they do leave us (and they will leave us—at least, they should) they're accustomed to making decisions about how to live. Allowing our children to make decisions about how they will live their lives takes great faith on our part, faith in our Father and theirs. We must respect their relationship with Him. I realize that this is a tension; we don't want to be irresponsible parents, but we have to let them exercise their faith. It is actually irresponsible to not do this. They have to learn to own their faith and not just live through ours. As our kids grow into older teens, we lose the ability to control them. The most important tool we have is influence, and often, we lose influence as we try to maintain control.

I am so thankful that God called us into homeschooling twenty-six years ago. It has truly been a blessing in our lives.

What Are We Doing to Our Boys?

In a time when feminists allege that we don't prepare our boys to be men who know their place with women, we seem [determined] to prove them right. Every state in America and every province in Canada winks at a scientifically established and universally-acknowledged fact: At school entrance, little boys normally lag a year or so behind girls in overall maturity. No wonder so many are antsy in body language and short in attention span through their early school years.

Boys do not generally catch up with their sisters until well into their twenties. Although this is one of the most commonly-conceded facts among educators and psychologists, every state in America mandates boys into school at the same age as girls in one of the most pervasive forms of child abuse in our nation. And the result is an inexcusable shame on all of us. It is responsible for much of the train of failure, delinquency, violence, rape and suicide that disgraces our neighborhoods daily and drives our society down the same primrose path as ancient Greece and Rome.

More than ten years ago Professor Anne Soderman of Michigan State University was deeply impressed with figures from the American Academy of Pediatricians on the "dramatic increase of 'stress-related' symptoms...in young children." She had reason to be. So she wrote ominously in Education Week (March 14, 1984), "Frustrated kindergarten teachers acknowledge they are contributing to the pressure but say they feel caught up in having to prepare children for first-grade expectations." Then she added the stunner: Because we fail to apply in the classroom what we learn through research, "boys in our secondary schools outnumber girls thirteen to one in remedial classes and by as much as eight to one in classes for the emotionally impaired."

There isn't a replicable piece of research in all of American education lore which suggests that little children should be institutionalized by ages three or four as the National Education Association insists, nor by five or six or even seven. We have rationalized ourselves into a collective public school baby-sitting syndrome which accommodates our bent to get our children out from under our feet as soon as they are out of diapers, and many can't wait that long. And then we blame the schools for the certain results. From California to Virginia and New York we are mandating our babies into institutional life by five, and often earlier. For nearly twenty years, Houston has goaded them into school by three, as urged by the NEA since 1976.

The NEA, of course, knows better but appears more concerned about jobs than for children, if we are to believe Spokesman Gerald Koch of Omaha, then education committee chairman of the Nebraska Legislature and reputedly close to the NEA. He insisted that school attendance should be reduced from age seven to three (Lincoln, Nebraska Journal, Oct. 1, 1981). His rationale: The change could help public schools reverse declining enrollments by creating a new population reserve. No matter which side you take in the abortion war, it is tempting to ask the NEA if it knows that its position on abortion loses it around 1,500,000 youngsters a year.

What does all this do to our boys and many of our girls? Ask the dispensers of Ritalin, or juvenile parole officers or any pediatrician or family counselor who gives slightest attention to research and the early childhood distress all around them. Eminent scholars from Cal-Berkeley to Columbia, Cornell, Harvard, Yale and Tufts are disturbed, if not appalled. All of them know children will find family, if not at home, then on the streets with a gang or in the back seat of a car in the embrace of another parental reject.

We don't say that all Ritalin-riddled kids went to school too early. We are well aware of the impact of (1) unbalanced, unhealthy diets, especially those overdosed with sugar and fats and over snacked to the damnation of their mental and physical immune systems, or (2) TV-pummeled offspring who live largely without energy or aim.

Yet even those pervasive problems do not keep parents from changing the average Ritalin-drugged youngster in short order if they will adopt a range of simple, possible and proven therapies (1) Shower them with sincere, warm responses that are deserved. (2) Build their immune systems with well-chewed fresh fruits, vegetables, nuts, whole grain and plenty of water, and avoid sugar and snacking. (3) Keep them constructively busy doing their share of chores at home and earning through their own businesses. (4) Show them how to do good deeds for others at home and in the community, in pediatric units at hospitals or learning and serving at local nursing homes. (5) Encourage their creativity even if it sometimes seems odd. (6) Develop their manual skills by hands-on work at home and in the community. (7) Build an altruistic sociability by service in the home and neighborhood. (8) Increase their responsibility at every practicable turn and award them commensurate authority or freedom. (9) Don't institutionalize them until they are ready mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. (10) Keep them close to home until their values are thoroughly established.

It is noteworthy that homeschool families who are following this formula are today qualifying for scholarships from Harvard, Johns Hopkins and Cornell to Stanford, Cal-Berkeley and Rhodes Scholarships at Oxford.

Three Goals for Your First Year of Homeschooling

As the information director for our local homeschool group, I talk to a lot of brand new homeschoolers. I find that one of the universal concerns of new folks is knowing “just what to do.” If you are taking children out of an institutional school, it seems so important to know “what third graders are supposed to do.” The real question is how to lay a foundation that will allow your homeschool to thrive. Even if you are starting from the beginning, the focus can degenerate into getting through the book, instead of setting a course with a long-range view. Over the years, we’ve seen a lot of homeschoolers come and go from our support group, some last a few weeks or months, but others stay on track all the way to graduation. I have noticed that successful new homeschoolers generally accomplish three goals in their first year.

I think the most difficult of the goals should probably come first: establish discipline and respect in your home. Expect your children to try you with complaints like, “Mom, do I really have to do that?” Don’t let it get you down! Every day is not going to be a dream come true—especially if you are taking a child out of an institutional school. They have learned that the school teacher is the real authority in academics, so you may hear, “That’s wrong, Mrs. Wormwood said to do it this way!” It’s a bit of an adjustment for the children to realize that, “Honey, Mama is your teacher now, and we’re going to do it my way.” If you expect this adjustment time, and deal with it confidently and consistently, all of you will be a lot happier. In the same vein, sometimes when the gloss wears off—when the homey moon is over—children will sometimes want to go back to school, to tell you that their social life is over, that their academics are rotten and that boy, do they hate you! My mother once told me after a tantrum like this, “Dear, that makes me sad, but I’m a whole lot more afraid of displeasing God than displeasing you. I’m going to do what I think is best.” If you make an open commitment that no matter what, you will continue to homeschool for one full year, you will avoid a lot of this, and by the end of the year, you won’t be able to drag the children out of homeschooling!

The second goal really balances the first: build or restore a love of learning in your child. Many new homeschoolers are so worried about getting enough school work done that they are afraid to take the time to participate in support group or extra-curricular activities. These things seem like extras, but can be life savers for you and your children. For a child whose only knowledge of history comes from typical text books, a whole new world can be opened by attending a Civil War reenactment, touring Booker T. Washington’s homeplace, or making a movie about colonial days. Many times children coming to homeschool from conventional school think learning is a crashing bore. Liven your days up with real books, real activities, and lots of interest. For a mother whose only experience with education is sitting in a classroom, the casual conversation with an experienced homeschool mom can save her sanity. I once came across a new homeschool mother, a former classroom teacher who had just started homeschooling her four children, who looked like ten miles of bad road. I sat down and said, “How’s it going?” She said, “I’m dying! How do you homeschoolers do it? It’s killing me!” I asked her to tell me about her day. It turned out that she was teaching as she always had. First, she taught the first math lesson standing at their new blackboard, then the second, then the third, then the fourth, with everyone sitting in their desks waiting; then everyone did their seatwork, and when everyone was done, they went on to the next subject! It was taking them thirteen hours a day to do school, and she definitely didn’t have time to come to support group! I told her how our family gathers together for devotions, and then each student gets started on something. While I help one of my children with his math lesson, the others are working independently. We are finished with the things that need my help by lunch, though my high schooler and older children may have work to finish on their own later. This discouraged mom was revolutionized by what she heard! For this reason, I urge you to get the support you need, and the hands-on, minds-on activities your children need for you all to love learning.

Finally: get the basics done. The first year is not the year to focus on the perfect program or ultimate education. Those of you who know me are probably staring, since I am the academic fanatic in our group, but I’ve learned that everything has a season. At the time you are taking a child out of an institution, there are many adjustments to make to your family life, your relationship, your child’s attitude toward learning, family and peers, that it can be overwhelming. Realize that you all need time to transition, to learn how this works and to get ready to really learn. If you have been homeschooling from the beginning, but are just now starting more formal studies, you need to focus on and develop the basic skills that make learning easy: reading well and understanding basic math. It may be hard to add these things to your life, especially when you have lots of interruptions by younger siblings. So, if your children are middle school age or below, do not feel like you need to do eight separate subjects with each of your children separately this year! Focus on the basics, do lots of reading, and do some unit studies with all the children in those other areas that may need some attention, and you will be in a lot better shape to perfect things next year!

The homeschools “most likely to succeed” are those in which the husband and wife are in agreement about homeschooling, and they’ve made a commitment to stick with it. They get support and they accomplish these three goals: establish discipline and respect, build or restore a love of learning and get the basics done. Those families are laying a foundation for future success. They are starting out on a course they can stay on. They are setting a solid course for a lifetime!

Frequently Asked Questions

1. Are parents qualified to teach their children?

   Yes, most parents have what it takes to homeschool their children. Parents love their children more and know them better than anyone else. They also want the best for their children. It is this love, knowledge and desire that makes the parent well-suited to be the teacher for their children. That said, it does take effort to learn how to homeschool. The first thing we study is our children. The better we understand them, the better we will be able to teach them. We also need to study educational philosophies, learning styles, curricula (what kind and what's available) and how to teach different subjects. So, parents who love their children and are willing to put forth the effort make the best teachers for their children.

2. What about socialization?

   This is one of the most commonly asked questions about homeschooling. The truth is that homeschoolers are generally better socialized than are children who go to institutional schools. Parents are the best socializers—teaching their children how to get along with others. Many people have the misconception that homeschoolers are isolated and kept away from other children. This is not true for most homeschoolers. Homeschoolers have many opportunities weekly to be with people outside their family. One difference is that homeschoolers have an opportunity to socialize with people of all ages, not just their age mates. Therefore, they learn to get along with different ages. The age barrier is not as strong with homeschooled children as it usually is with children who go to school. Studies bear this truth out. There have been several studies to evaluate the socialization of homeschooled children and they have all shown that the homeschooled students have social skills on a par with or better than students taught in a classroom. Homeschool students tend to be more inclusive of people who are different from themselves, and homeschool graduates believe that homeschooling better prepared them to engage the real world.

3. When can we start homeschooling?

   That depends on what you really mean by that question. If you mean when can you actually start working with your child, that process begins at birth. As you parent your child, doing all of the things that a good parent should do, you are homeschooling. There are appropriate learning activities at all ages, and there are books available to teach a parent about these stages of development and what can be done at each stage. The time to start book work, such as reading, writing and arithmetic, depends on the readiness of your child. There is no right age for all children to start these activities. In reference to the North Carolina law, the compulsory attendance age is seven. So, if you have started homeschooling in the early years, the year that your child turns seven you need to notify the state that you are opening a homeschool. If you decide to homeschool after your child has already past compulsory attendance age, it is recommended that you notify the state in the summer before the school year starts. If you are withdrawing a student from a school in mid-year, it is recommended that you wait until you get confirmation from DNPE that they have received your notification.

4. Where do we get our books?

   Homeschoolers generally get their curriculum and other resources from two main sources, book fairs and catalogs. NCHE's annual book fair is the biggest book fair in the state with over ninety vendors. It is held on the Thursday, Friday and Saturday of Memorial Day weekend in Winston-Salem. There are other smaller book fairs held throughout the state. These book fairs are usually sponsored by local support groups. There are many vendors who cater to the needs of homeschoolers. Also, there are a few bookstores that carry homeschool materials; check with a local support group about this availability. Don’t forget the public library. Wise homeschoolers will get to know how to use their library. We are their best patrons.

5. How do I know what books to buy?

   There is no simple answer to this question. There are many good products for homeschoolers to consider. Homeschool parents must study and research to determine the best curriculum for their family. There are books that describe the resources available. It is a good idea to talk to other homeschoolers about what has been successful and unsuccessful for them. Parents needs to select learning materials that fit their child's learning style and their family.

6. What do I tell the school about withdrawing my child?

   All you need to tell the school is that you have notified DNPE that you have opened a homeschool and that you are withdrawing them from the school. It is best to document your decision with a letter and give the date on which you will start homeschooling.

7. How many hours a day should we have school?

   This will vary by the age of the student. The older the student the more academics he will do. The law does not require a certain number of hours per day. Every homeschooling family needs to determine what will fit their family.

8. What courses does the state require my child to take?

   The state does not set the curriculum for homeschoolers. It is up to the homeschooling parents to determine what courses their students take each year.

9. What courses does the state require my high schooler to take?

   As with any other grade the state does not set the required curriculum for the homeschool. This requirement must be set by the homeschooling parent. (For more information about homeschooling high school, request the Homeschooling High School brochure)

10. How much does homeschooling cost?

    The cost varies greatly. The biggest cost is in the time and energy it takes from the parents, especially the one doing the primary teaching. Many times there is also the loss of a second income. A general estimate of curricula cost would be between $100 to $500 per student per year. It can be done for less, and, of course, a lot more can be spent.

11. Can homeschooled students go on to college?

    Homeschoolers can, and many do, go to college. Homeschoolers go through much the same process as non-homeschoolers to get into college. There are many colleges who desire homeschoolers and welcome them. On the other hand, there are a few colleges who are still suspicious of the homeschooling process and make it more difficult for homeschooled applicants. However, this does not mean that we can not get accepted by these schools; we just have to work a little harder. In time, these schools will see what good students homeschool graduates make and will change their attitudes about us.

12. What is a local support group?

    From the early 1980s homeschooling families have sought support, encouragement and fellowship from other likeminded parents. These groups of families united to form homeschool support groups. These groups are run by volunteering homeschooling parents. There are many support groups in the state, and they vary in size and personality. NCHE recommends that a homeschooling family join one of the groups in the local area. Support groups help the homeschooling parent by organizing opportunities for them to learn more about how to homeschool and encouraging them in their choice. Support groups also provide opportunities for the students to do things that are best done in a group such as field trips, choirs, sports, competitions, etc. Homeschoolers who join support groups are more likely to succeed in their homeschooling efforts.

13. If I start homeschooling, will my child still be able to participate in extracurricular activities at a public school?

    Generally speaking, homeschoolers do not participate in public school activities. There are a few exceptions to this rule, and it is up to the individual school to decide this. If you are interested in participating in an activity at a local public school, contact the principal to check on the possibility. Under current regulations, homeschool students can not play sports on public school teams.

14. Can someone else teach subjects to my child that I feel inadequate to teach?

    This is not a simple question to answer. Because of the wording of our law there is a difference of opinion on this topic. (See The North Carolina Law, in the Homeschooling High School brochure for information on this subject)

15. Can someone else homeschool my child?

    According to the North Carolina law, a homeschool family can homeschool the children of one other family. NCHE does not provide information on families that are willing to homeschool other children. Very few families are willing to tackle the task of homeschooling children outside their family. However, even though this is rare, it does happen. It usually is done by a homeschoolers who are family members or close friends during a time of crisis. Homeschooling is about parents teaching their own children, and this is the norm.

16. Can homeschoolers get financial support from the state?

    No

17. Is it too late to start teaching my children at home?

    It is never too late to start homeschooling. However, the sooner you start the better. There are great advantages to homeschooling during the first years of training. Families who start homeschooling later in the educational process will have difficulties to overcome, but the effort is usually worth it. Homeschooling is beneficial for students no matter when the process is begun.

18. What is a typical homeschool day?

    Every homeschooler has their unique way of homeschooling. One of the beauties of homeschooling is the ability to plan your schooling to fit your family. Most homeschoolers do academics in the mornings and outside activities in the afternoons. As the students get older and need more academics, schooling may spread to the evening hours.

19. Can I homeschool during the summer?

    Yes, many families homeschool year-round. This provides for more breaks throughout the year, and more continuity of study. However, many homeschoolers find that our culture makes it more difficult to homeschool during the summer. So, the type and intensity of schooling is likely to change during the summer months.

20. How does multiple family co-op teaching work for homeschoolers?

    Homeschool co-ops can provide a positive element to the homeschooling process. A few families meet periodically (once every week or two is common). They pick a common topic to study and the mothers share the responsibility of planning activities. The mothers are all present and involved in the activities (the children are not just dropped off for another mother to teach). During the rest of the week the children work on learning about the topic in their homes. Generally as the students get older, typically high school, parents specialize in a topic and add reinforcement to the students learning in that area.

So Many Curriculums, So Little Time

I was one of those homeschoolers who thought that I had found the perfect curriculum for all of my homeschooling days. I had a very hands-on kid so I naturally chose a curriculum that was of the unit study variety. I thought that if others wanted to homeschool the boring way (textbooks) it was their right to do so. As for me, I would homeschool with more creativity.

I started using this curriculum and loved it. My son loved it. It was perfect for us. That is, until I found a new unit study at the NCHE Book Fair a few years later. Now this was the one for us. We eagerly began the new curriculum in the fall of that year and once again, we had found a unit study that we were happy with and fit perfectly in our homeschool. By now both my sons were using this curriculum. Then, a friend of mine had another unit study curriculum that I had heard about, but it was pricey. She offered to lend it to me. I looked over it and once again it was the perfect one. So, in the fall, we embarked on a new journey once again. By this time, I was homeschooling my other son and had been given a used kindergarten curriculum that was just what my youngest one needed. However, it was, dare I say it, of the textbook variety. How could I leave my roots of unit study? Would it be considered a sin?

Little did I know that major changes were on the way. My responsibilities at church were getting ready to change, and I would have to spend much more of my time with this ministry. God had made it clear that I should do this so I knew I had to make some adjustments with my life. One of the changes that I made was with my homeschool. I went to the NCHE Book Fair with a mission. I had to find the right curriculum for my boys this year. You may have seen me that year. I was the dazed and confused one desperately seeking out this new curriculum that would be good for my boys yet be less time consuming for me. I finally found what I was looking for. You may have seen me then, too. I was at the same booth for hours; at least, it felt like hours. I looked over all the books, talked with the representative that assured me this was the perfect one for me, placed my order; and then, I was off to the hotel room relieved that my mission was over.

My mission was complete. But what was this sense of grief I was feeling? I had finally done it. I had left the era of unit studies, and I was now going to teach my children with textbooks—me, the staunch advocate for unit studies everywhere. How could this be? The feelings that accompanied this change were very real. I had poured my heart and soul into these lesson plans. Now someone else would do that for me. They would tell me what my children would learn this year. Did I really want to give that up? We had had a lot of fun, and now, it would be different, wouldn’t it?

What I found out was yes, it was different, and that was okay because that was what we needed to do at this time in our homeschool. We added plenty of field trips that year, the boys liked the curriculum, and much to my surprise, we had a good year.

I have been homeschooling “from the beginning” as they say, and I have been the oldest student in our school. I have learned more than I could ever have imagined possible. One of the most important lessons that I have learned is that homeschooling will change through the years and that is all right. When life changes, just go with the flow. Don’t feel that you have to continue on with something if it doesn’t fit your life right now. You may be able to come back to it in the future, or maybe you’ll find out you like the new approach. When it is all said and done, you will have made many right choices along the way for your children and you will have made some choices that you learned from. It is the journey of homeschooling that is what matters the most. Whether you do it for a year or you’re in it for the long haul, enjoy the students in your school and be glad you have these years with them. When it’s all over, it won’t matter so much which curriculum you chose, as the choice you made to homeschool. That choice will never be one you will regret.

So Many Curriculums, So Little Time has proved to be so true in my life. I only have thirteen years to teach and there’s so much out there. How will I fit them all in? Of course, I am joking. I have changed only when I knew it to be the best thing to do. I can say with assurance that it’s been the right path for us, and I wouldn’t change a thing—except my curriculum.

Why Homeschool?

I have homeschooled for seven years even though I used to make fun of homeschooling families. I got into all of this the hard way, but there is no other place I would rather be than at home learning with my children. During that same period of time, there have been many professional reports including statistical data which have been published on the merits of homeschooling. In a society that is quick to question such issues as educational excellence, socialization, teacher qualification and college entrance test scores, these reports clearly show that homeschooling is not just a viable option and a growing trend, but that it is a common denominator for the emerging leaders on college campuses and in communities today.

As I have homeschooled, I have shared my journey with other homeschooling and potential homeschool parents. I have told how we came to this decision, how God went before us, how His Holy Spirit convicted us and how we have made it this far only by His grace. I have talked about whom God placed in our lives and what He has taught us on this journey. I have recounted the day when Davis took our oldest son out of the system, where I was standing in our house as they walked in the door and what my husband said to me that sent us into this adventure of homeschooling. I have tried to communicate what God has come to be to me in my life as a result of this decision.

Now you know some of the how, who, where, when and what of our journey into homeschool. Why do we homeschool? Well that is a difficult question to answer. There are many little reasons, all based on one big reason. Since we started, our reasons have grown and changed and focused and refocused. I get asked “why” often and unfortunately find myself all in a thither trying to convince someone whose arms are crossed and mind is closed. I have begun turning the question around. Here are some of the many reasons from a slightly different perspective for your consideration.

• 30. Why not spend more time with your kids?
• 29. Why not fear God instead of man?
• 28. Why not take back control of your family’s schedule?
• 27. Why not die to yourself more every day?
• 26. Why not teach as you learn?
• 25. Why not walk by faith?
• 24. Why not spend an afternoon exploring the wonders of God’s creation?
• 23. Why not have school 24/7?
• 22. Why not eat lunch at home?
• 21. Why not protect your children’s innocence?
• 20. Why not make learning a family adventure?
• 19. Why not be different?
• 18. Why not answer the call?
• 17. Why not take the road less traveled?
• 16. Why not walk alone?
• 15. Why not center your curriculum on the Bible?
• 14. Why not trust in a faithful God?
• 13. Why not seek Him instead of yourself?
• 12. Why not linger over breakfast instead of rushing out after its over?
• 11. Why not accept being misunderstood and misrepresented?
• 10. Why not focus on the eternal instead of the temporary?
• 9. Why not snuggle with your kids mid morning with a good book?
• 8. Why not choose the wisdom of God over the wisdom of man?
• 7. Why not miss the school bus?
• 6. Why not admit you can’t and sit back and watch what He can do?
• 5. Why not let go of all of your expectations and embrace His plan?
• 4. Why not diligently seek and follow only Him?
• 3. Why not do things as one family instead of separate individuals?
• 2. Why not center your curriculum around your kids instead of the other way around?

And here’s the big one:

• 1. Why not take a chance on experiencing a Red Sea parting, walls of Jericho falling, enemy destroying, covenant keeping, salvation providing, water walking, blind curing, lame restoring, deaf healing, dead raising, thousands feeding, Son sacrificing, Son resurrecting, help-providing God everyday?

So, why do I homeschool? Why not?!

Teaching Math at Home

As a homeschool mom with a math education background, I am often seen as the answer person for homeschool math questions, such as:

• What is the best curriculum?
• When do I need to start teaching math?
• Do I need to drill the times tables?
• How much math do I need to teach?

Because I love math, it is my favorite subject to teach, and my passion has caused me to develop some opinions about how to teach it. I do not claim to be a math education expert. My opinions come from twenty-six years of homeschooling four children, now ages nineteen to twenty-seven, my interactions with other homeschooling families and my personal study.

One of the reasons that I chose to homeschool was that it provided the freedom to tailor the education of my children around their unique interests, abilities and the family’s priorities. I didn’t want to do it the way that institutional school did it; I wanted to do it better. When homeschooling parents adopt the institutional approach to education, they miss out on so many of the beauties of homeschooling. If you are going to homeschool, take advantage of its advantages. Three of the goals that I had for my homeschool were that my children would love to learn, know how to learn and be allowed to learn at their own pace. I saw many problems that were caused by children being pushed to do something before they were developmentally ready. We often see children pushed in reading, but it also happens with math.

Math and the Young Child

In her book titled An Easy Start In Arithmetic, Ruth Beechick says there are three modes in which children think about math: manipulative, mental and abstract. These modes also correspond to the developmental stages of a child. First, young children learn through the manipulative stage. They need to touch, feel and move. When you, as an adult, see the problem 2+3=5, you think in the abstract mode. You understand the concept of two and three. You do not have to see and touch two blocks and three blocks. You don’t even need to picture two blocks and three blocks in your head. Preschoolers cannot do this; they are in the manipulative stage. Later, during elementary school, they develop the ability to do math in the mental mode. They can picture the number and the addition process, but they are still not able to understand the abstract concept of a number. This ability to understand the abstract concepts of math develops around age twelve.

It is best for a homeschooling parent to keep these developmental stages in mind while teaching math. During the early years, math concepts need to be taught with things that the child can touch, feel and manipulate. This need usually corresponds nicely with the real life of the child. Children need a lot of real-world, concrete experiences before they can internalize the meaning of numbers, arithmetic operations, geometric shapes, proportion and all the other terms, ideas, processes and relationships that are a part of mathematics.

One of the best things a homeschool parent can do is to get a good elementary math book and read it themselves. Learn the terms and concepts, and then apply these terms and concepts to your child’s everyday life. Many homeschool parents hate math and do not feel very competent to teach it. If this is true of you, you need to do some homework. The more you understand the concepts yourself, the better off your children will be. Now, I’m not talking about algebra; I’m talking about early elementary math.

Children come into contact with math everyday. When children play with building blocks, puzzles, toy cars, when they have a need for counting, patterning, comparing, estimating, etc., they are building a repertoire of concrete experience. Helping mom in the kitchen or dad in the workshop offers many opportunities for real-life math. Gardening, playing a musical instrument, grocery shopping, setting the table and playing board games are all examples of activities that provide children with context and a frame of reference for future math learning.

It is so important that your children have these experiences before they start a formal math program. I actually don’t start a formal program until third grade. Until that time, I do real-life math, read math books, do math activities and play math games while occasionally throwing in a few math lessons. A book that is fun to use during the elementary ages is Family Math. Also, the library is full of picture books with a mathematical theme. Once a child has the developmental maturity of a third grader, he is able to cover kindergarten through second grade math rather quickly and can then move on to the third grade math. You could probably wait a little longer, if you’re patient and have the nerve to stand up against peer pressure. A student who has had a life rich in mathematical experiences will be better able to understand the math exercises that he is now asked to do. During this stage, he is able to do mental math. He doesn’t always need the manipulatives because he is able to picture them in his head. Manipulatives are sometimes helpful, especially when learning a new or difficult concept or process. However, be careful that you don’t expect him to be able to do the abstract thinking that is required for many math processes. He is not ready for that yet.

Flexibility

Flexibility is one of the greatest advantages of homeschooling. Your child can move as quickly or as slowly as necessary. If your child is getting the material quickly and seems bored or frustrated with doing all of the problems, then cut out some of the problems and move on. You have an advantage over the classroom teacher of knowing your student well. You will be able to determine whether he is getting it or not. If he is having difficulty, then slow down, or take a break and come back a few weeks later. If you decide it is time to take a break from progressing in math, don’t just stop doing math altogether. I know you have heard the expression, “If you don’t use it, you lose it.” This concept is especially true of math. Keep doing review even during the breaks from introducing new material.

My oldest daughter, who is now a college graduate with degrees in math and music, was always good at math. I could tell from early on that she was good in this area. When she was going into the third grade, I started her in a sixth grade math book and spent two years in the book. Because this book started with so much review, we were able to start in this book without having to do very much outside review. This worked—in a way. She did well academically, but she hated math. This bad attitude was a major red flag for me. One of my goals was for my children to have a good attitude about learning. I had to do something to fix this problem, especially since I knew she was gifted in this area. So, we took the next year off from progressing in math. I did consistent review for this year. However, the review did not take much time, so it really was a break. When she came back to learning math during the sixth grade, she had a much better attitude. (I need to add here that it was MathCounts, a problem solving club and competition for middle school students, which turned her into a math lover. To find out more about MathCounts go to .)

I tell you this story to show an example of the creativity you can have in the homeschool environment. You are not locked into the traditional program of conquering a math book a year and staying on grade level. Also, don’t feel that you have to use the same curriculum every year. You can alternate or switch books if you don’t like the one you are using. Different programs work better for different kids. I also recommend that you do math along with your student when at all possible, especially if this is a first child. It will help you review the math concepts, and it is also good for your student to work closely with you. Remember that your attitude about a subject is more important than your knowledge about it. I remember pretending to be fascinated with the discovery of bugs and snakes when my children were little. If I can do this, you can pretend to like math. You don’t have to pretend to be good at it, though. It is good for your child to see you learning with him.

I am often asked about memorizing the math facts, such as the times table. I take a middle of the road approach on this topic. While I do think it is important that children know the math facts, I do not agree with stopping everything else until they are memorized. I usually took some time to work on memorizing the facts, and then I moved on before they were perfected. I found the more math the student did, the more these facts became a part of his knowledge. So I used a combination of some work on memorizing the facts and a lot of work on using them.

Problem Solving Skills

I usually teach problem solving skills while my children are doing their final years of elementary math and algebra. Many people tend to ignore these skills because they are not covered well in most textbooks, and covering them would take extra time and resources. This is one reason I take two years to cover algebra I—to have more time to work on problem solving. In real life, math problems do not come with a label. You have to figure out what kind of problem it is and then how to solve that problem. Textbooks usually have exercises after a lesson is taught. The student uses the skills that he has just learned by doing the exercises. Problem solving, on the other hand, teaches the student to look at a problem and determine what kind of problem it is and how it should be solved. This skill is much more helpful in real-life than the ability to work exercises at the end of a lesson. The textbook exercises provide skills and knowledge that are necessary for solving problems.

The MathCounts competition is very effective in teaching problem solving skills. These skills will help your student in all areas of math, and it is great preparation for the SAT. This competition for seventh and eighth grade is especially good for children who are good at math. It is a challenging program, however, and can be discouraging for those who are weak in math. Another math problem solving program is the Math Olympiad program. It is a problem solving competition for grades four through eight. The books, Math Olympiad Contest Problems for Elementary and Middle Schools, and Creative Problem Solving in School Mathematics, both by George Lenchner, are great supplements to your math curriculum. These books are also a good choice for middle school students who find MathCounts too difficult. I use the Math Olympiad book (it is an easy book to use) during the last couple of years of elementary math as a supplement, and the students love it. I remember one student, who had hated math before she started doing Math Olympiad problems, stating, “Math is so cool!” after just two days of doing these problems. Math Olympiad competitions are available.

Beyond Elementary Math—Is Higher-Level Math Important?

Once elementary math is conquered, it is time to move on to algebra. I recommend taking two years to do algebra I. It is important that the student have a good understanding of algebra because it is the foundation of the rest of math. Don’t rush it, and don’t move on until each concept is grasped. I absolutely love Elementary Algebra by Harold Jacobs, and also Jacobs’ Geometry.

Many people have difficulty in seeing the practical application of teaching the higher levels of math. They don’t see that they use algebra in their daily lives, so they wonder why they need to learn it or teach it. I am convinced that higher levels of math teach us to think more clearly and logically. How important is this to your daily life? The process of thinking that is taught in algebra and geometry teaches us to process information in a logical way.

Other than my love for math and the connection with thinking skills, I do have other reasons for having my children learn higher math. I want to prepare my children to be able to do whatever they are called to do. Even if they are not called to do anything mathematical, they may be called to do something that requires college, and college requires three to four years of high school math. Until my children reach high school, I homeschool them the way I want. We study what we want, how we want and when we want. When they get to high school, I make some compromises to prepare them for college. I make sure that they have two years of foreign language and three years of science, whether I feel that they need it for their life or not.

Now, I don’t completely cave in to the traditionalists. I do a lot of things in a homeschooly way. I integrate many of the subjects, emphasize math and science for those students with that bent, and emphasize history and government for the students with that bent. My children with a musical gift are active in music activities while the future politician will be in debate. So each student’s high school experience will be different.

Earlier I mentioned that many people don’t think that algebra and geometry are needed for everyday life. I don’t believe that this is true. Because I am comfortable with this knowledge of math, I do occasionally find myself using this information to solve real-life problems. Also, if your children end up being homeschool parents, it will be very helpful for them to know these subjects. To sum up the reasons why I think higher level math is important:

• It teaches logical thinking.
• It prepares a student for his potential calling.
• It prepares a student for college.
• It teaches math skills that may be needed for real-life.
• It prepares future parents to pass along important math skills to the next generation.

Being a math major with a love of math, I place a high priority on learning math. However, I realize that not all homeschoolers have the same priority. Each homeschooling family brings its own set of priorities to the homeschooling situation. God knows this when he places children in families. He knew that I would place a priority on math and not on foreign language, for example. So, I will take all of my children at least through pre-calculus. However, it is hard to say what level of math is right for every student. Each student is different and has a different calling on his life. We as parents need to study each child, praying for wisdom in planning each one’s education. As we pray and plan, God will lead us to make the right decisions for each child. He knows the plans He has for each of them.

A Variety of Homeschooling Methods to Choose From

Familiarizing yourself with the array of homeschooling methods is a good idea before you begin your family’s journey. Here are some of the more popular methods, a brief description of each, and some websites that will help to define them further. Take the time to study each one before you choose which one suits you best.

The Traditional Approach

This is the most common approach for new homeschoolers. This method follows a more traditional, classroom approach. Each child will likely have his own set of grade-level textbooks and study each subject separately. For a more thorough explanation on this approach go to: http://www.hsunlimited.com/resources/homeschool-methods/traditional.php.

The Eclectic Method

This method is considered a more relaxed method that mixes curriculum with home made ideas and is individualized for each student. A to Z Home’s Cool’s website has an informative article on the Eclectic homeschooling method. Visit http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/methods/Eclectic.htm.

The Classical Education Method

The core of Classical Education is the trivium, which is a teaching model that seeks to tailor the curriculum subject matter to a child’s cognitive development. Read Douglas Wilson’s article, Classical Education at http://www.home-school.com/Articles/ClassicalEducation.html get a more thorough understanding of this method.

The Principal Approach Method

The principal approach is a system based on Biblical Christian heritage and the original Noah Webster dictionary. A key element of the Principal Approach is the use of notebooks for research, reasoning, relating, and recording. Read, The Principal Approach, by Carole Adams at http://www.home-school.com/Articles/PrincipleApproach.html.

The Charlotte Mason Method

Charlotte Mason utilizes 'living books' which are based on core subjects, and include a focus in the fine arts. It is a more literature based form of education. For more details on this method read, The Charlotte Mason Method by Karen Andreola at http://www.home-school.com/Articles/CharlotteMason.html.

The Moore Formula Method

The Moore Formula consists of three elements: study, manual work and home and/or community service. More details about this method may be found at http://www.moorefoundation.com.

The Montessori Method

There are three Montessori principles that guide teachers to “control the environment, not the child.” They are: observation, individual liberty and preparation of the environment. The child is encouraged to allow their true nature to freely emerge. Visit http://www.montessori.edu/homeschooling.html to learn more about this method.

The Unit Studies Method

The unit studies method of education integrates all of a student’s subjects and directs all learning around a central theme or topic. Several grade levels may also be combined in this approach as a group of students learn together. For more information on the unit study method go to: http://www.classicaleducation4me.com/unitstudies.html.

The Unschooling Method

Unschooling is a child-directed form of education. Parents act as facilitators and children choose how, when, why and what they want to learn. John Holt, author and educator, coined the phrase unschooling and was the founder of the unschooling magazine, Growing Without Schooling. Read more about this method at: http://www.unschooling.info/.

The Virtual Schooling Method

Virtual schooling, sometimes referred to as distance learning or eschool, has become more and more popular as computers and the Internet becomes a mainstay in American homes. Everything from a single class to whole curriculums are now available online. Many colleges today offer independent study, accredited courses and degree programs via virtual schooling. For more information on virtual schooling read Tom Clark’s study, Virtual Schools Trends and Issues, at http://www.wested.org/online_pubs/virtualschools.pdf

Homeschoolers are people who think outside the box, live outside the box, and learn outside the box. One of the beauties of home education is that it allows a family the opportunity to incorporate the education of their children into their family’s lifestyle. Choosing the method that’s right for your family is just one of the many decisions you will make as you begin your homeschooling adventure. And, because we like to be creative with everything homeschoolish (if there is such a word), we may even find that one method works best one year and another the next year. The beauty of learning, and the homeschooling option is that we are free to choose. What a blessing that is to all of us.

Horizontal Homeschooling

The pillows are piled up, and the intercom has taken residence on the nightstand. Children and books are on the floor and bed with the dogs nearby. While others may not see it, this is our schoolroom.

When our homeschooling adventure began in 1990, never did I imagine teaching my children from my bed. I may have read about others with a similar type-AAA personality, but I never saw this set of circumstances depicted on the cover of any homeschooling magazine.

In August, 2003, my family and I began the search for answers to my chronic pain and health issues. On March 17, 2004, after eight hours of surgery, we were informed that I have advanced ovarian/peritoneal cancer. The treatment has been almost as bad as the diagnosis.

Our oldest child was away at college and our three youngest were in grades two, four and eight at the time. We were faced with the obvious question: what should we do about schooling the children? My husband is a home health nurse, so working from home was not feasible for him. After prayer, we knew that placing our children in a public school setting was not an option. A house fire six years earlier had taught us that homeschooling is possible in adverse situations, but this situation loomed as impossible.

With the love and support of family and friends, we have continued to homeschool. In the process, I have learned many valuable lessons. Following are my suggestions to anyone homeschooling in adverse circumstances.

1. If you haven’t set individual and family goals for this year, do it now. Take some time to do this before you attempt another day of schooling. It will help you on those really tough days when your heart tries to tell your head that you are still on track. Remember to keep it simple and attainable. “Teach Joe to read,” is not measurable. “Teach Joe the long and short vowels,” is.
2. Redefine success. Success can’t be a perfectly clean home, attending every field trip or group activity. Horizontal homeschooling requires you to think through your yearly goals and choose what is essential, versus what is good. Your homeschool will not look like anyone else’s. Embrace this. Let go of “We used to….”
3. Focus on relationships: God, family, extended family and then everyone else. Clear your plate of all other responsibilities and allow yourself the grace you would extend to others. If you try to do it all, your period of horizontal mothering may well be extended or moved to a hospital bed.

   One of my tools is to focus on what I desire for Tim and the children to remember about this season if God chooses to heal me through death. Cancer has been a major turning point in my life choices.

4. Focus on what you can do and do it! I can read aloud in the mornings. I can edit papers in the bathtub. Computer games and the television can become tools while I rest.
5. Utilize the support you have. Humble yourself to ask for what you need. For many months meals have been brought by others in our church and homeschool groups. Families have taken turns cleaning the house and doing laundry. Close friends have helped sort through the enormous mountain of correspondence and bills.

   Our children are old enough to do most of the housework; however, we have placed a tall hedge around them. They have needed time to process, grieve and renew their trust. Many people offered to take the children for a day, weeks and even months. While it seemed helpful at the time, the children needed to be close by. We made a list of folks they felt comfortable visiting, with the understanding that at any time, day or night, they could come home. We also discovered that we needed time alone as a family unit after weeks of extended family coming to help.

   I made a list of helpful chores and foods I could eat, along with schedules for needed transportation. A close friend organized a team to co-ordinate schedules of meals and help. Be honest about what is helpful. Realize that different faces every day in your home may create additional insecurity issues in your children. Saying “yes” to ideas that create more work or stress for you is not a help. It is acceptable, even necessary to say “Thanks, but no,” even in the South!

6. Focus on what is good. Our children have had a crash course in anatomy, chemistry, etiquette, assertiveness and dog training. I hope they are also learning the power of gratitude and prayer.
7. Allow outside professional help. Ask God to lead you to those who can assist your family through the process. This is a family affair. You all need a safe place to express your grief, fears and doubts. Encouraging this expression is a healthy part of their education. If you have insurance, ask for a case manager to help you with the paperwork and locating appropriate support. This is the time to hang up your Super Mom cape. It has holes in it anyway.
8. Laugh every day. Pull out the photos, and put them into albums. Tell stories from your children’s childhood and your own. Watch funny movies. Eat ice cream for supper. Treasure the moments.

The house fire, moving four times in the following five months, four tragic deaths and six family surgeries all within six years were not in our plans for our homeschool. Cancer has been a difficult blessing—nevertheless, a blessing. Our family and homeschool are more on track than ever. The lessons being learned may not show up on their transcripts, but they will prepare them for their future and eternity.

The Road Is the Destination

Currently, there are twenty-seven All-American Roads, located in forty-four of our United States. In order for the US Department of Transportation to designate a scenic road as an All-American Road it must be noted for its archeological, cultural, historic, natural, recreational and scenic qualities. This designation means that the road has features that exist nowhere else in the country and that the road is a destination in itself.

What if we evaluated homeschools that way; each one recognized for its special features and notable qualities? Not only are these desirable attributes, but each one could be viewed as a destination in itself.

Not long after we began homeschooling it became clear to us that this journey was more than just an educational choice. This new paradigm was a generational shift whose features would be so unique and different that it would require a new thought process in order to proceed. What set us apart from the government schools was not the quality of our education per se, or what we could offer our children in terms of variety, choice and creativity (all of which have been tremendous blessings). What set us apart was that we were counter-cultural. We were taking Christian education outside the box, and though it was scary, it was also very exciting. We chose “the ancient path,” as Jeremiah 6:16 says, and it led us home to school.

The discovery that the journey was part of the destination itself didn’t take long. How we walked that road would speak volumes to the next generation of homeschoolers. Harry Emerson Fosdick, a nineteenth century clergyman, said, “He who chooses the beginning of the road chooses the place it leads to. It is the means that determines the end.”

According to the Division of Non-Public Education’s records, there are currently 33,690 homeschools in NC with 64,387 students. (Remember, only students age seven to sixteen are counted.) When I look at those numbers the idealist in me is impressed. I want to believe that, at the very least, there are 33,690 notable roads whose features are unique and valuable. However, the realist in me knows that as the numbers climb so does the attrition rate.

In some ways, I think the trail-blazing pioneers had the better end of the deal. Although we had our challenges, there weren’t many casualties to discourage us along the way. Today's homeschoolers must find their way, many times, through a thicket of discouraged, displaced and despondent comrades. The notable features of the path no longer stand out. A thicket has crowded the way and many are no longer looking for an entrance; they’re looking for an exit.

How do we, the pioneers, keep the thicket from forming so that others will be drawn to the notable features that make homeschooling stand out among the educational choices? Remember, there are only twenty-seven All-American Roads in our country. That’s less than one for each state. What causes people to make the extra effort and travel the distance in order to capture the beauty and experience of a unique older road with its picturesque vistas? Why not choose one of the many freshly paved and painted short cuts?

I believe we find the answer in Jeremiah 6:16, where he counsels the people to do three things in order to find rest for their souls. First, he tells them to “stand at the crossroads and look.” Second, he tells them to “ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is.” And third, he tells the people to “walk in it.”

If you haven’t noticed the scenic qualities of homeschooling in a while, maybe it’s time to stop long enough to evaluate where you are and consider, pray and focus your efforts toward the “good way.” You can’t assume that once you’ve stopped and asked that you’re finished. No! If you want to find the “rest for your soul” that Jeremiah is talking about in this passage and truly experience the beauty of the homeschool journey, you must put on your walking shoes and head in the direction you’ve been shown.

Remember, the road is a destination in itself. To experience the unique attributes along the homeschooling route means that you’ve chosen a more excellent way, a way that will number among the few rather than the many as the numbers continue to climb. Purpose to shine your light along the route in such a way that those who choose to follow will experience features that number among the noted and desired. In doing so they will come to realize that the road they’ve chosen really is part of the destination.

Beginnings

As the daffodil and the dogwood blossoms start to open and signs of new life appear, most of us are reminded that spring is a time of beginnings. A visit to the farm, the zoo or perhaps your own backyard provides evidence that what was not is now teeming with activity, fruit and spirit. Small creatures come into view and the grass begins to grow. Winter once seemed to have an endless hold on all about us, yet the April rain melts its icy grip and the robin chants her melodies to the highest heights. We see God at work and we long to join Him there!

For homeschooling families, uniting with the Lord in His work takes on a variety of forms. Most days, it means just putting one foot in front of the other, daring not to look back, and completing the menial tasks that help our children to be safe, well-fed and get a good night’s sleep. I like to call that “the part that no one sees,” as a contemporary Christian song once mused. On other days, it involves preparing middle schoolers for academic challenges, leading bingo games at the local nursing care facility or taking a meal to a brother or sister in Christ who has been ill. However, joining Christ in His work sometimes transports us to places across great oceans and onto foreign soils where the daffodil and the dogwood do not bloom.

Whatever the tasks we commence to undertake on His behalf, there burns within us a deep desire to please Him and to know that the efforts we expend will make a difference in eternity. At this time of year, graduating seniors may be embarking on the venture of educational or career pursuits, and parents may be eagerly setting goals and choosing next year’s curriculum. I suggest that to really make a difference, our “beginnings” must begin with the following essentials.

Foremost, our efforts must begin with prayer. Certainly, if the Apostle Paul exhorts us to pray continually (I Thessalonians 5:17) and to pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests (Ephesians 6:18), then we must come to Him on His terms, that we might accomplish His work. There is no prayer too minute or great that He does not hear, but more importantly, it is through our time in prayer that we hear from Him. D. L. Moody said, “Every great movement of God can be traced to a kneeling figure.” Let it be said that we prayed “to You while You may be found.” (Psalm 32:6)

Secondly, as we join God in His endeavors, we should enlist the assistance of others. Others can include spouses, children, neighbors, church and community members and friends. Usually, we don’t have to sojourn far to discover that some of the same desires and ideas are alive in the hearts of those around us. Not only does working in cooperation with others (especially homeschoolers!) make our aspirations more fun and memorable, but our Kingdom work becomes more effective. “Two are better than one, because they have good return for their work. If one falls down, his friend can help him up.” (Ecclesiastes 4: 9-10) What a blessing for us and our children to discover that the Christian life does not have to be lived in isolation!

Next, all our work should be done for His glory and in His name. As the Westminster Shorter Catechism says, “Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.” No matter what the outcome of whatever we undertake, be it term papers, tear-wiping or T-ball, the motive should be exalting our Creator and revealing Him to a lost and dying world. “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus.” (Colossians 3:17) Truly, this is the key to influence and success.

Finally, and for our encouragement, remember that Jesus, Himself, is active and at work. He lives to make intercession for believers. (Hebrews 7:25) When we are tired, exhausted and fresh out of resources, the One we seek to glorify in our homes, churches and in our world never slumbers or sleeps. Our “beginnings” started with a partnership, initiated by the covenant-keeping God at the cost of His Only Son. I Thessalonians 5:24 says, “The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.” It was His work after all!

So, just as He is reflected through the beauty of the daffodil, the dogwood and the robin’s song, He too is able to radiate through that which we have begun for and committed to Him.

Dangling with Delight

“Higher, higher! Push me higher, Daddy!” Our nine-year-old daughter, Jennifer, didn’t even try to suppress her delight as she soared to the sky on the first ride of her new tree swing. Her father instructed her to straddle the rope as he lifted her up on the board. She bounced around with much enthusiasm as her feet dangled between the swing and the ground. The anticipation of Daddy’s first push sent sounds of giddy laughter echoing through the woods, serving as full compensation for her father’s construction efforts.

This was no wimpy tree swing. Prior to building it my husband assured me that careful consideration was factored into the location, and articulate planning was given to connect the perfectly sized board to the chosen tree limb with a rope that came with a guaranteed 500 pound weight limit. (Our son didn't hesitate to mention this fact when he invited the neighbor lady over for a ride, pointing out, “It’ll hold you!”)

Now when my husband builds something, you can count on two things: 1) it’s going to be secure; and 2) it will last. For this swing, it was important that a rider choosing to mount and careen over the embankment do so completely secure in their method of transportation. A thrill ride without the theme park, this swing has the look and feel of something you might read about in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Twelve years later, our swing continues to thrill each rider, especially those brave enough to attempt it in the dark.

When I reminisce about Jennifer’s first ride, I am reminded of Psalm 40:8, “I delight to do your will, O God.” A thrill ride without the theme park, this swing has the look and feel of something you might read about in The Adventures of Tom Sawyer. Twelve years later, our swing continues to thrill each rider, especially those brave enough to attempt it in the dark.

Homeschooling presented these questions yearly as we transitioned from one grade to the next. We felt the conviction to continue and knew it was God’s direction for our family, but just about the time I thought I had gained enough experience to secure my feet to the ground, another year would arrive, the weathered rope shrank, and I’d find myself dangling between conviction and insecurity.

Anticipation sometimes couples itself with anxiety when we realize that we have no control over the direction of the swing. During that time the adventure can prove itself to be a daunting task that agitates that state of limbo as we wait for someone to come along and push us in the right direction. One day I realized that delighting in this part of the process was something the Lord was trying to teach me. I needed that between-grade-limbo time to seek my Father's direction and put my trust in His ability to equip me for the ride.

Dangling with delight is an acquired skill. Delighting yourself in the Lord and trusting His plan for your homeschool is the rope that secures you to the branch. Jennifer was able to find joy in those moments of dangling before her ride because she delighted and trusted in the security of her father and his ability to equip her with a dependable swing.

Consider what Isaiah 30:21 says, “Your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, ‘This is the way, walk in it.’” Have you ever jumped on a tree swing, knowing exactly where you wanted to go, and instead of moving forward, you found yourself spinning around and around? Well, that’s exactly what happens when we panic and try to control the direction of our homeschool without taking the time to wait on our Father to get behind us and push us in the right direction. Listen for the word behind you.

Your Heavenly Father knows exactly how much pressure you’re under as you attempt to juggle all your responsibilities and provide academic instruction for your children. He knows how unsure your footing feels as you wade through piles of curriculum choices. He knows that without Divine aim and a gentle push in the right direction you’ll be just as confused about algebra as you were when you wondered how a worm can eat without a head.

Your fellow homeschooler may test earlier, start school earlier, advance earlier, promote earlier and even graduate earlier. Remind yourself that jumping on her moving swing, in an effort to avoid dangling on your own, will only produce frustration and anxiety. Before you know it, comparisons will outweigh any presupposed benefits of trying to catch a ride. Besides, have you forgotten that every swing has its weight limit?

There’s something to be said for waiting on the Lord and seeking His counsel. Take advantage of the limbo seasons, and don’t be so quick to move forward in your own strength. Isaiah 58:14 says, “…delight yourself in the Lord, and I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth…”

The dangling process is essential for success. By taking the time to delight in the Lord, you may just find yourself out on a limb shouting, “Higher, Daddy! Push me higher!”

Reflections of a Reluctantly Retired Homeschool Mom

There I was, two years after my youngest had graduated from high school, walking through the annual NCHE Book Fair. This was the third NCHE conference that I’d attended with no one to buy for and nowhere to apply my new knowledge from all the wonderful workshops. What torture!

Walking through the book fair, wishing that this and that had been available years ago, I painfully remembered all the materials that I had sold at used book fairs—unused. Most of them, I didn’t consciously choose not to use, we just never got around to them.

This past spring, at her college awards ceremony, my daughter received the award for best public speaker. When she called to tell me about the award, I remembered an incident she had recounted to me a year earlier, the first time her speech teacher heard her deliver a speech. “You obviously have spoken in public before,” she said.

“I was homeschooled,” my daughter replied. “My mother made me do everything.”

Thinking that my daughter was relating to her teacher how pleased she was that her mother had ensured she received such a well-rounded education, my peacock feathers began to unfold. “I take that as a compliment,” I told her.

“Forestry, Mom? Why did we do forestry?” My feathers were now unfolded, and I became conscious of the fact that I was only a monochrome peahen.

This is the same child who, when a co-worker realized she had been homeschooled, was drilled on every imaginable subject. She impressed him with her knowledge until he asked her to name the three branches of government. Her response was, “Will you give me multiple-choice?” I began to feel less like a peahen and more like a dodo. How can someone who can pace to determine accurately that she is sixty-six feet from a tree, hold a Biltmore Stick at arm’s length and calculate the number of board feet of that tree not know the three branches of government?

Gaps? Oh yes, we have gaps. Huge ones.

Occasionally someone will ask what I wish I had done differently during my homeschooling years and what I’m glad I did. Incidents like the above make me seriously reflect on that question, and careful reflection has caused me to believe that I have misunderstood the question! I’ve been adding words to the question that aren’t there.

I thought the question was actually, “What different choices would you make concerning curriculum and activities?” If that is the question, then I have to carefully consider the truth that every choice to do something is a choice not to do something else. I can’t think of anything that we did that I would leave out (except maybe forestry).

I also have to consider the truth that our kids did great in college because there weren’t important gaps (considering the three branches aspect, I’m probably losing credibility with you right now), and they were able to fill in any gaps that needed to be filled (she now knows the three branches). Therefore, I still can’t think of anything that I would change.

When pondering our homeschool experience I am continually amazed at what God has done with my children in spite of me. I’m amazed at the “wrong” decisions that I have made concerning curriculum and activities that God has caused to work together for good. I’m amazed at His sovereignty in the “happenstances” of their childhood and adolescent days that I had never considered, much less planned, that have been integral parts of the development of their characters and their callings. Obviously, God had something bigger planned than I could see. So, if I was originally correct and the question is actually, “What different choices would you make concerning curriculum and activities?” I’d have to answer, “Probably none.”

If, however, I can take the question “What would you do differently?” at face value, then my answer would be, “I’d examine my motives for each choice more carefully.” I would ask myself, “Am I doing this out of selfish ambition or foolish pride?” That can translate into “Am I doing this because everyone assumes that this is something everyone needs? Am I doing this to be like all those “perfect homeschoolers” that I hear about each year at conference? Am I doing this because I don’t want to disappoint so-and-so? Am I doing this based on what my friends will think of me?”

I would also frequently ask myself the same question to evaluate continuing in an activity or program. I have learned that most of the time, it is harder to make the decision to stop something than to decide to start it.

If I had asked myself all of these questions when making decisions, maybe I would have made the exact same decisions, but my stress level would have decreased and my relationship with the Lord would have increased. Just think what a difference that would have made in my kids’ lives! Still, I’m convinced that God was right there directing my every decision for His glory and the good of my children despite my lack of introspection. I’m just waiting to see how He’ll use the Biltmore Stick.

Socialization Is the Number One Reason to Homeschool

What type of schooling do you think offers the best education for K-12 students? In a poll conducted in the summer of 2004 by News 14 Charlotte, 588 people answered this question. The results showed that 15% said public school, 28% said private school, and 57% said homeschool.1

Next question: What is the number one reason why homeschool families have made this educational choice? It may surprise you to find out that a study conducted by the National Center for Education Statistics showed that thirty-one percent of homeschoolers had parents who said the most important reason for homeschooling was concern about the environment of other schools. Thirty percent said the most important reason was to provide religious or moral instruction. Sixteen percent were dissatisfied with the academic instruction available at other schools.2

In other words, socialization is the number one reason to homeschool. Whether homeschoolers are rejecting the social environment of traditional public and private schools or gravitating towards the social setting that a family provides, the data are showing that another concern of those opposed to homeschooling is not only unfounded, it is actually the new answer as to why one should homeschool.

One of the original questions for homeschoolers was “Is it legal?” No one asks this question much anymore as it is common knowledge that homeschooling is legal in all fifty states.

Another common concern has been that homeschool students would not be able to meet the academic standards of traditional education. However, data consistently show that homeschoolers score better than pubic and private school students on standardized tests.

Test results reported by the ACT (www.act.org) show that public school student’s scores rose slightly from 20.8 in 2003 to 20.9 nationwide in 2004. The scores for public school students in North Carolina rose from 19.9 in 2003 to 20.3 in 2004. This increase in scores was big news in the pubic school arena. However, the scores for homeschool students are considerably higher: 22.5 for homeschool students nationwide in 2003, 22.6 in 2004, 23.0 for homeschool students in North Carolina in 2003, and 22.7 in 2004.

Clearly, these standardized test results show that academic success is continuing among homeschoolers. This information is certainly reassuring to those in the middle of the homeschool journey, as well as for friends or family members who may still have questions or concerns in this area.

The other very common question that homeschoolers have had to face for years is “What about socialization?”

The National Education Association (NEA), the nation’s largest teacher’s union, has continuously lobbied against homeschooling. One of their resolutions says, “Homeschooling programs cannot provide the student with a comprehensive education experience.” Ted Feinburg, assistant executive director of the National Association of School Psychologists, said the following, “Unless we are prepared to keep our children in bubbles their entire lives, we have to give them an opportunity to be exposed to real-world problems so they can develop coping strategies.” Regarding socialization, public school educators worry that homeschoolers will be lacking in social skills.3

The fact of the matter is that homeschoolers do very well socially. For one thing, they have the opportunity to be with people of all ages, not just their peers. They also spend a large amount of time at their parents’ sides, which allows them to see what good manners and self-confidence look like, rather than being tempted to adopt the jungle code of the average high school corridor.

As any homeschool family can attest, the local support group usually offers far more outside activities than one could possibly do each month. I’Nasah Crokett, a homeschooler from Georgia, is very busy with activities outside of home, often doing things that other traditional students couldn’t do because of their school schedules. He says, “Thanks to my learning environment, I’m independent, self-motivated, focused and ready to take on the world.”4

In 2003, the National Home Education Research Institute (NHERI) did a study of 7,306 participants who were homeschooled. This study looked at many aspects of education, attitudes and life. This study showed that the typical homeschool family is involved in an average of five outside activities each week. The results showed that 71% of the subjects were participating in ongoing community service activities. This study also showed that the homeschoolers had very high rates of direct civic involvement. The findings of this study indicate that adults, who were home educated, have very positive attitudes about themselves and life, and are clearly involved in constructive social activities.5

Referring to a federal report showing a rise in the number of teenagers who are skipping school for fear of getting hurt, Ted Feinburg, said the following. “That sense of anxiety, fueled by terrorism warnings, high-profile school shootings and a desire to keep children out of harm’s way—probably has helped homeschooling grow.”6 Other factors leading to the exodus from the public schools include school violence, budget cuts, zero tolerance and of course the teen drama (cliques and gossip). It is clear that pubic schools are far from ideal learning centers. Those outside the system may well ask the question to public school parents, “So, what about socialization?”

It should come as no surprise that homeschooling is misunderstood by the masses. Its track record is well documented and generally accepted as positive, but it is a paradigm shift from the path that 96-98% of American families have been traveling. Homeschoolers are a very diverse population in their methods and motivations. Jay Mathews, a writer for the Washington Post, had his own doubts about homeschoolers. Eventually, he realized that you just can’t put homeschoolers in a one-size-fits-all box. After gathering information from many homeschoolers, he finally got to the heart of the matter. He discovered that homeschooling boils down to parents who have expressed their joy in being able to spend all day, every day with their children and join them, as a family, in discovering the world and themselves.7

In the end, homeschool parents are saying that it is simply satisfying to share in the daily lives of their children. Parents are pleased that their children are not removed from the daily life in the community. They constantly interact with people and other kids of varied ages. Mark Marcoplos, of the Chapel Hill News, says that homeschoolers believe that the natural type of socialization that occurs in the homeschool community is the healthiest type of socialization for their children.8

J. Michael Smith, president of the Home School Legal Defense Association (www.HSLDA.org), has noted that homeschooling is clearly the educational phenomenon of the twenty-first century. It’s proving to be the most effective form of education. Homeschooling is an unrivaled success story. It’s great news for children, parents and the communities. It produces higher quality citizens at a fraction of the cost of the state. The average cost to homeschool is $600 per child per year versus approximately $8,500 per child per year in the average public school. In North Carolina, the average cost for public school students in the 2001-2002 school year was $6696 per student.9

It is certainly reassuring to observe that homeschoolers are still blessed with success in the academic arena. Now, more than ever, there is solid evidence that staying together as a family is an excellent social setting for educating ones children. Homeschooling as a family is the preferred context for learning. Homeschooling is safe, healthy, natural, and it works. It works well.

Now when a homeschooler is asked, “What about socialization?” they can answer, “What about it? That IS why I’m homeschooling.”

The Easy Button

"Why, oh why, can't things just be easy once in awhile?" I fussed at no one in particular. It was a regular day-- someone had spilled something, someone was sick, something had broken, the car was making a funny noise, the library books were overdue, the videos were late-- and I was overwhelmed and looking for the easy button. You know, it's the one advertised in the office supply ad. Just hit the easy button and voila! All the hard stuff in life is done for you!

Later that day I grew desperate and asked God to let me out of this call to homeschool. I was tired of explaining things over and over. I was weary of disciplining and discipling. I wanted a day alone. I wanted to have lunch with grownups instead of cleaning up spilled juice. "Lord," I fussed, "Why can't I just put my kids in school and have the easy way out?"

The truth is, I don't want to put in the hard time, to go the extra mile, to persevere. I procrastinate. I make excuses. I forget to follow through. Inevitably, I go to God to fix my messes and draw me an escape hatch. "Help!" I cry in a panic-- then act like a petulant child when He doesn't swoop in to save the day. I expect God to act like a fairy godmother, complete with magic wand, who makes everything better and easier.

Proverbs 20:4 says, "The sluggard will not plow by reason of the cold; therefore shall he beg in harvest and have nothing." In short, if you won't put in the hard work, don't come complaining when things don't work out. Later in that same chapter this verse drives the point home even further. "Do not love sleep or you will grow poor; stay awake, and you will have food to spare." (Proverbs 20:13)

I am slowly learning that there just isn't an easy button. With most everything in life, you just have to do the hard work and put in the hard time in order to reap a harvest. This concept is especially true if God has called you to homeschool. Part of Adam's curse was that he would toil the ground in order to have what he needed-- and mankind has been toiling ever since. And yet, I think there is something imprinted in our souls that remembers the days when water sprung up from the ground effortlessly and peace ruled in our hearts as we walked with our Creator in perfect fellowship. We have been struggling to return to the perfection of the garden since the day God locked the gate behind us.

There isn't going to be an easy button this side of heaven, but there is a God who is easily reached. We can cry out to Him anytime, and He will even listen to our silliness. Trust me; He has listened to mine. When I come to Him with my earthly foolishness, He supplies heavenly wisdom. This wisdom does bring me ease that I can't find anywhere else. It is not the world's answer, and it looks like foolishness to those who don't understand. "For the Lord gives wisdom, and from His mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:6)

I know that in my flesh, I will never stop looking for the easy button, because my flesh is trying in vain to answer the needs of my soul deep within me. In the meantime, I will persevere. (Hebrews 12:1). I will stay the course. And I will call on the One who longs to walk beside me, just as He walked in the Garden. This life might not be easy; but one day it will be, and that is where my hope rests. Proverbs 1:33, "But whoever listens to [wisdom] will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm."

Diligence Is a Tree of Blessing

I had the privilege of working in an R.J. Reynolds factory during the 1970s. The company had a program that allowed employees’ children who were in college to work for the summer. My job was to help put together “hogsheads”—huge barrels that held 1,000 pounds of tobacco. I worked with Terry, a young man who started at RJR right out of high school. He was friendly to me, but I could tell he was checking out this college boy to see if he was going to be able to handle the work. When I first started, I was slow and clumsy with the barrels. I had to wrestle each one into submission to get the pins in the sides. It was hard for me to pick up the round bottoms that we would throw into each hogshead before we rolled them over to the production line. And, for the first several weeks, when I tried to roll one of the hogsheads to Terry, who was waiting for them thirty or forty feet away, my efforts were pitiful. There was no telling where the barrels would end up when I let them go. The goal was to angle them toward us and roll them like one would a garbage can, so they stayed upright and tilted, spiraling to their destination.

Terry was patient with me, and it paid off. By the end of the summer, I could keep up with Terry as we put the hogsheads together. I could throw the lids (which weighed fifteen pounds and were forty-eight inches in diameter) across three rows of hogsheads so they fell neatly into their targets. I could roll a hogshead from one end of the factory floor to the other and even learned how to spin them right into the empty slots. Hard work and a good teacher had produced an employee who contributed to the effort, and I went back to college at the end of the summer glad and satisfied that I had learned something, grown in character and made some new friends.

There was another college boy working at the factory during one of those summers. I heard the guys talking about him in the break room one day.

“I tell you what, that is about the height of laziness,” one of the older men said, between swigs of a Pepsi. “Did you see college boy out there on the floor?”

They were talking about the other college kid. He had been given the job of painting the guardrails in the factory that separated the floor area from the walkway around the perimeter. He was observed that day lying on his side on the floor, slowly moving his paintbrush to cover the guard rails with a neon yellow spread. It took him until lunchtime to paint ten feet of rail. At times it was hard to tell he was alive; his movements were so slow.

“I tell you what, if my boy was that sorry,” the man continued, his eyes flashing, “I wouldn’t let him out in public. That college boy is pathetic.” The older man continued to complain and was joined by others in the room, who shook their heads in disgust.

I had forgotten about that incident until recently in family devotions when we read this verse in the book of Proverbs: “As vinegar to the teeth and smoke to the eyes, so is the lazy man to those who send him.” We discussed what that meant and why a lazy worker is such a drain on his company and an irritant to his fellow employees. My children agreed that they want to be known as some of the hardest workers around, not some of the slackest!

Solomon said that diligence is man’s precious possession, but the commitment to hard work is not inbred. This commitment must be caught by our children as they observe it in us, and it must be taught by us as well. We will develop diligence in our children as we expect and teach for excellence in how they clean their rooms, how they write their papers, how they memorize Scripture and how they play an instrument. It will be worth the effort. Their spouses, children and fellow workers will one day praise God for our persistence in teaching the value of hard work.

Laziness is an irritant and a companion to destruction, but diligence is a tree of blessing whose branches extend far and wide!

Life in the Fast Lane

One day, as we were traveling on a large four-lane highway, my young daughter presented me with this question: “Deddy—that is her pet name for me—why are there two lanes going in the same direction?” Aware that my responses to her questions often lead to an entire battery of additional questions, I paused for a moment to carefully consider my response. I told her that the inside lane was for the faster moving vehicles and the outer lane was for the slower moving vehicles. As we rushed, as usual, to our destination, I stole a glance at my young daughter. I could tell from the look on her face that the wheels were turning in her head. Oh, no! It is “the look,” the one that always precedes a forthcoming interrogation. I drew a deep breath, hunkered down for the onslaught, and waited for the inevitable. After several tense moments it came. With childhood innocence she asked this killer question: “Deddy, why do we always go places in the fast lane?” Ouch, that hurt! What a perceptive observation—a blatant statement of fact concerning her parents’ habitual lateness. Though it occurred several years ago, recollection of my daughter's question prompted this thought: it seems that our life as a homeschool family is often lived in the “fast lane.”

It is amazing how our children adopt our habits and our lifestyles. For several years following her killer question, whenever my little girl was determined to go somewhere in a hurry, she would say, “Get in the fast lane, Deddy!” Her statement is so indicative of our time-driven society and our lifestyles. It prompts the question: Are we traveling in the right direction or just moving in a randomly chosen direction at a high rate of speed? It seems we are nearly always hauling down the road of life at warp speed, teetering on the brink of being out of control. We are always busy. There is no such thing as a routine homeschool day. Reading, writing, and arithmetic are frequently interrupted by medical, dental and eye doctor appointments, grocery shopping, meal preparation, laundry, house cleaning, yard work, sports team practices and games, piano lessons, 4-H meetings, homeschool support group classes and meetings, chores—whew! I need to pause a moment and take a deep breath—Monday night church visitation, Tuesday evening art classes, Wednesday night church activities, Thursday night gymnastics, Friday night church youth activities, and Sunday church services. Get the picture? Our schedule has been so busy at times in the past that we have watched two baseball games simultaneously. We would pick a spot between baseball fields and use binoculars to watch each of our sons play in separate games. Sometimes our lives resemble over-packed suitcases. Can we cram in one more activity? Do you know what I mean? Have you been there?

As a homeschool parent, you know how it is. We want to give our children the best education possible while giving them every opportunity to develop their social skills. We want to be armed with a solid response to the dreaded question every homeschool parent faces: “But what about socialization?” Yet, we need to be careful as we travel down the road on our homeschool journey not to over-commit our children or ourselves. We need to ease off the accelerator, slow down our engine, pull over to the shoulder of the road and examine our roadmap once in a while. We need to remember the reasons we chose to homeschool, the goals we set for homeschooling and to evaluate our progress toward this destination. We must honestly ask ourselves what our objective is. Is it to raise the next Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, or Michael Jordan? Are we trying to live out our own dreams of success through our children or are we trying to equip them for life? I hope our objective is Biblical in nature and not self-centered. When I think of sound objectives for home educating, the following two passages come to mind:

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. (Proverbs 22:6)

You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. (Deuteronomy 6:5-7)

With these passages in mind, we need to ask ourselves, are we passing our Christian faith and heritage to our children? Are we teaching our children our Christian values, morals and principles? Are we instilling within them self-esteem and godly character? Are we teaching them to teach themselves?

Traveling at a high rate of speed all of the time can lead to breakdown or a crash—burnout frustration, and loss of focus. This school year we are making a deliberate effort to pull over to the slow lane on the road of education for a while and to take fewer extracurricular side exits by turning down some of the opportunities that knock at our door. We believe that a slow, deliberate, steady pace will enable us to meet our objectives better than the wide-open racetrack life that we often live. So, the next time you find yourself speeding down the road of life, teetering on the edge of chaos, make a deliberate effort to move over to the slow lane.

Homeschooling with Babies and Toddlers as Well as a Sense of Humor

Why are we homeschooling? When my husband, Gerry, and I first began our adventure, our main goal was for our children never to lose their love for learning. Our current goal, which may be just as unrealistic, is to make saints out of our children. In other words, raise them with godly characters so that their main goal in life is to glorify God in all that they do. With this in mind, my attitude towards babies and toddlers takes on even more significance. I must constantly demonstrate that each child is made in the image and likeness of God and treat them as such. Gerry and I must constantly be the kind of people we want our children to be. Remember, actions speak louder than words.

Later, we will talk about the mechanics of homeschooling with babies and toddlers, but first we must address our attitude. First and foremost, remember that they are only young for such a short time. This brief moment in their lives when they are convinced that you (the parent) are the most wonderful, perfect, all-knowing person in the whole world flees fast. enjoy it! Incorporate your small ones into your homeschool. They will learn something, and they will teach something. We even use our small ones in our surveys, science projects, etc.

Be flexible. If some school days are completely blown because you spent the bulk of the day rocking and caring for a sick baby or toddler, you have taught your older ones a much more valuable lesson than where to put a comma. You have taught them the art of sacrifice, putting someone else’s needs above their own desires. Remember that everything is part of God’s will for our lives. Just say “thank you” for all the interruptions, fights, falls, and other “unplanned” events and repeat over and over again, “…all things work together for good to them that love God…” (Romans 8:28 KJV).

Expect the best and share your expectations with your children. People, young and old, tend to rise and fall to the expectations of others. This is especially true for parents’ expectations. At bedtime, for instance, go over your plan for the day and your expectations for their enthusiastic cooperation—you may even ask them to show you the happy faces they will have.

Set goals for yourself, each child and even your toddler. We have gone so far as to set “picture” goals with our toddlers. For example, we would draw a picture of them with a happy face (or take a picture). In the morning, if they were cooperative the night before, they receive a happy face. If they were not cooperative, they received a sad face. “X” number of happy faces could be redeemed for a treat of some sort. Goals help you to decide what is important and where to focus your energies instead of just putting out fires.

Speaking of what is important and what is not, Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore have done tremendous research on both public school children and homeschooled children. In their book, Better Late Than Early, they point out that many children are not physically, mentally, and emotionally ready to read until the ages of eight to ten. When these older children do learn to read, they almost immediately “catch up” with the “early” readers. In other words—do not fret over teaching your four-year-old the alphabet while your six-month-old cries in your lap. It’s not worth it.

The Moores also offer the Moore Formula, which is to divide your school goals into three equal categories: 1. Service, 2. Work, and 3. Academics. According to this formula, we must give the combination of charity and a good work ethic twice as much time as academics alone. If you didn’t get a science fair project completed this year, but you did teach your children what a blessing a new baby is, and what godly work they are doing when they help take care of Mommy and baby, you have had a successful homeschool year. They will always remember their new sibling, but they will quickly forget why tomato plants do not fare too well in a dark closet.

I will close with one last thought. Remember, children are a blessing, and we are extremely blessed to have received this call to home educate our precious children. We have so much to be thankful for amidst the chaos. Just keep on saying thank you!

General Suggestions for Homeschooling with Babies and Toddlers

Following is a list of more specific suggestions for homeschooling with toddlers. They are a collaboration of experience and articles or books I have read over the past seven years.

1. Give the toddler(s) the first fifteen minutes of school time while your “schoolers” do quiet independent work.
2. Have special toys that they can only play with during school. Change these toys often or have a Monday toy, Tuesday toy, etc.
3. Homeschool the older children while babies and toddlers are sleeping.
4. If not a specific schedule, at least have an order of events so everyone will know what to expect and when to expect it. This is especially true of meal and snack times.
5. Let Dad take on a specific subject, e.g. science experiments on Saturday morning while Mom spends time with the babies and toddlers.
6. Encourage independent learning in your older students.
7. Pray for guidance as to what’s important to cover and what’s not.
8. On the days that you have “had it” and want to enroll your child in a European boarding school, call another homeschooler who can empathize.
9. Set realistic goals for yourself and each child
10. Childproof your home—use gates. Worrying about your toddler’s whereabouts creates more stress as well as interruptions.
11. Let older children take turns playing with babies and toddlers.
12. Concentrate on character training the first six to eight years of your children’s lives. Once good character qualities have been developed academics will be easier.
13. Utilize car time. If Gerry is driving, I read aloud. If I’m driving, we listen to Spanish tapes, Latin tapes, classical musical tapes, religious tapes. After all—how could I pass up such an opportunity with a captive audience?
14. Require or encourage your schoolers to read new readers to your infants and toddlers.
15. Try your best to keep your sense of humor.

The Couch That Won’t Die

Frugal Living is a class that every homeschool student should be able to list on his transcript. It might be considered a bird class (one you fly through) to some, but to others it would be an enrichment class whose rewards would long outlast the final exam.

Like many homeschoolers, we are a one-income family. It’s always been our desire to maintain financial freedom and live within our means. The Lord has adequately supplied for us in this area, and as a result, we now have a collection of stories that we plan to tell our grandchildren. The latest entry is the story of our couch that won’t die.

I think I was born with a natural tendency to squeeze a penny so hard that it reaches screaming proportions much like that of a dog whistle, so high that you can’t even hear it. I can remember trying to convince my father that coupons were like money in your pocket.

Frugality began its work in me years ago as I watched my newlywed aunt collect items to decorate her home. She loved old glass bottles and the only way to acquire such treasures frugally was to go on what she called a dig. I had the privilege of accompanying her on several of these adventures. After carefully scouting out an ancient dumpsite, we’d spend hours digging down to the level that housed these valuable relics. We’d squeal like giddy schoolgirls upon each discovery. Dozens of bottles were collected this way, and I left the experience with quite an education about antique glass, not to mention a curious nose for digging.

A desire for treasure hunting is a prerequisite for frugal living, and I love every aspect of the dig. Whether it’s research that I’m engaged in, books that I’m searching for, or reduced canned goods I’m sifting through at the grocery store, treasure hunting always reinforces my motivation to save money and live frugally.

I personally think our family couch should be mentioned in the Guinness Book of World Records for its longevity. It has no monetary value, but it has almost reached certifiable antique status. And like most homeschool family couches, it has been well USED. My babies were nursed and read to on it. They learned to read and logged many classroom hours seated upon its cushions. Many fellowship events have overloaded it with more bodies than it was designed to handle. We’ve laughed, cried, prayed, and played on it, and everything from cowboy sheet forts to princess castles has been built upon its sturdy frame. Why, the sick have even been nursed back to health cradled between its arms.

Yet, after all these years and all this use, there continues to remain one outstanding feature about this aging dinosaur that astounds me. There isn’t a worn spot on the fabric anywhere! Honest! Buttons have popped, cushions deflated, stains acquired, and bolt replacements made after spring explosions (an interesting event when guests are visiting), but there is no indication of fabric wear. The Lord has kept this couch from completely wearing out, thereby negating the frugal side of me from justifying a new one, until now.

Seasons change and it’s time for the schoolroom to morph into the den it was designed to be. Both our children have graduated and our home is putting on a new face. For years I have anticipated the day that this couch would finally die. In fact, I have even gleefully envisioned lighting a match to the old thing and watching it burn in the backyard while we roast marshmallows over its coals.

Everything changes, but not everything is changed in the process. I may acquire a new couch to go in my new den, but have I learned the lesson its longevity has to teach me? It’s not frugality, as one might think. Frugal living has been the means, but the underlying purpose of this lesson has been contentment. It’s strange, but I think that in a strange sort of way, I’m going to actually miss this old couch. Maybe I’ve learned that contentment is not something we dig to find like a buried treasure. But rather, it is more of an attitude that one acquires while searching out the treasures in each season of life. I hope to testify, like the apostle Paul, that “I have learned that whatever state I am in to be content.”

Because frugality will always be at the core of my being, I have decided to recycle part of my couch’s oak frame and mount it to the den wall. Long live the Codispoti couch! It will house the quilts I plan to make now that I am a retired homeschool mom. The ashes from the rest of it will be added to my compost pile and possibly pave the way for a new hybrid vegetable—the couch potato. (Sorry! I just had to say that!) Whatever its fate, this old couch will serve as a reminder that Frugal Living’s been a favorite class, and contentment a valuable lesson.

How to Fail at Homeschooling in Three Easy Steps

Proverbs 14:15, “A prudent man gives thought to his steps…”

I can still remember the day I put my kids in school after homeschooling them for five years. When I got home after I dropped them off that first day, a friend called to see how I was doing. “How was it?” she asked tentatively—apparently expecting tears and regret from me.

“Great!” I responded enthusiastically. “I barely slowed down at the curb to let them out of the car!” I went on to explain how euphoric I felt as I turned over my children’s education to other, much-more-capable people. I felt liberated that day and explained to my friend that I would be able to concentrate on my two little ones still at home now that my three older ones were tucked away at school. Surely this was the answer to all my problems.

The honeymoon, however, did not last long.

Little by little, school began to creep into our family life—invading in ways I had not anticipated. There were papers that needed signing, three teachers’ demands and three classroom schedules to keep up with. The phone rang nearly every day for some committee or volunteer commitment I was supposed to sign up for. “What about my two younger children?” I asked the ladies who called to enlist me. “What should I do with them while I am at the school?”

“Oh, well, don’t they go to preschool? You should sign them up for preschool so you can be free to volunteer. I know of a preschool that has openings if you’re interested.”

What happened to more time with my little ones? What happened to all the free time school was supposed to give me? The evening homework and endless outside commitments seriously limited the family time we had once taken for granted. Teachers, I discovered, did not care about the Christian concert you wanted to go to when you had (yet another) project due. Since we had never had kids in school, I simply wasn’t prepared for all of this.

Perhaps the biggest wake-up call for me was one morning that my husband took the kids to school. As he returned home, he looked at me with tears in his eyes. “I hated leaving them there just now,” he told me. “I just feel like we have let go of the dream of the family we can be—only if we homeschool.”

I am happy to report that before the first semester was over, all three children were back home—living, learning, laughing (and crying) with us again. Our big school experiment was over. The children and I had to learn that the grass was not greener on the school side of the fence.

As I have reflected on that time in our lives, I have come to realize that I took three basic steps to becoming a homeschool failure. My hope is that, in sharing my mistakes, I will speak to the heart of some other mother who finds herself gazing a little too fondly at the big yellow school bus.

Step One: I took homeschooling one year at a time and did not commit to it long term. I saw it as an educational method and not a lifestyle. By doing this, I was able to see it for what it was worth only when I did not have it anymore. When you are able to commit to homeschooling only on a short-term basis, you lose the richness of embracing it as a lifestyle. Not only that, but the entire family has the added pressure of keeping up academically with the schools “just in case” homeschooling doesn’t work out.

Step Two: I focused on those around me. By trying to do school like my homeschooling peers or trying to keep up with my children’s friends, I turned my home into a silly race-to-the-finish, not a place of solace, contentment and refuge. Focusing outward—on the schools, on peers, on neighbors and on extended family members—only leads to defeat. It is better to focus inward—on our relationship with the Lord, with our spouse and children and on the atmosphere of our home.

Step Three: I lost my vision for homeschooling. Without a vision as to why you are homeschooling and what God has called you to do, your homeschool will perish just as mine did. The Bible says that we should, “Record the vision and inscribe it on tablets, That the one who reads it may run.” (Habakkuk 2:2, NASB) If you have lost your vision, spend time alone with God rediscovering the reason He called you to homeschooling. Reconfirm your commitment before Him; then write down what He has shown you and any special verses He gives you. Ask your husband and children why they like homeschooling and write down any encouragement they can provide. A friend of mine keeps a “Why I Homeschool” file filled with articles, quotes, verses, notes, etc., that encourages her. Go back to these things when your confidence is low and you are in danger of losing your vision.

The happy ending to this story is that my failure was only the beginning of our new and improved homeschool. I learned how not to homeschool and was able to start fresh—with a new attitude and a new commitment. Just remember: God will resurrect your homeschool just as He did mine. If you allow Him to change your perspective, He will redirect your steps toward success in Him!

Proverbs 37:23-24, “If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.” (NIV)