What I Wish All First Generation Homeschool Parents Knew

2024 Fall/Laura McKinney Adams

I have been a part of the homeschooling community for seventeen years. For thirteen years, I was a homeschooled student—from kindergarten through twelfth grade. I began homeschooling my own children in 2020. After spending so much time with other homeschoolers, I’ve seen a lot of situations and dynamics. I often speak to new families, and I’ve noticed many of these families have similar questions and concerns. In this article, I would like to share a few things that I wish all first-generation homeschooling parents knew.

1. There is no one right curriculum.

I see parents expend lots of energy trying to find the one perfect curriculum that will work for all of their children, under all circumstances, without change. I think this is unrealistic. I am the oldest of four children, and we weren’t carbon copies of each other. We had different needs. And while we did some things together, at other times, our paths diverged, and that was perfectly healthy and okay!

My own three children aren’t carbon copies of each other either. We do science, history, and Bible together, but I have taken different approaches to reading and math depending on the individual child’s needs. They will all get where they need to be in the end.

When I share what I use with another mom, I usually say, “We use X. I like it because of A, B, and C. I think it’s best for a child who needs Y.” Just because something is the best thing for one child doesn’t necessarily mean it is the best thing for another child. It doesn’t matter if your friend’s son is reading at a fourth grade level while yours continues to slog through phonics. Children are best served by material that is at their level and works with their learning style. Being able to meet children where they are is one of the biggest benefits of home education.

While we are on the topic of curriculum, I also encourage people to try to work on their chosen curriculum on a regular basis. I tell my children that showing up is half the battle. When they work on things consistently, they do make progress.

I also think there is value in researching different methods, but the best method is the one that you actually use. I had childhood friends who did unit studies, Charlotte Mason, classical, and many other things. We are all functioning adults now.

2. Homeschooled kids aren’t perfect.

As a homeschooling parent, somehow, I forgot about this fact. I shared with a homeschooled teenager that one of my children was complaining about doing his work. I worried that I wasn’t being a good enough teacher. “Oh, I complain about school all the time,” the teen said, “and my mom is a great teacher.”

“You Gì?” I said. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I may or may not have gently suggested that perhaps this teenager ought to be a little more cooperative with her mom.

This is probably a good time to share that I was horribly dramatic about math. I cried. I whined. I wrote poems about how greatest common factors made me feel like the greatest common failure. (This is a true story, just ask my mom.) As an adult now, I realize that I must have driven my mom bananas.

I share these things because there is a myth circulating. The myth says that homeschooled children are perfectly behaved. I regret to inform you that this is false. We homeschooled children still get tired, cranky, and overstimulated.

3. It doesn’t look like those pretty pictures online.

Once, someone asked me how I got my young children to sit quietly at the table all at the same time to do their work. My kids were all under the age of seven at the time. I laughed. I said that I didn’t, and I didn’t really think anyone else did either. But this dear soul had seen some pictures on Instagram that suggested that sets of very young homeschooled siblings sit in peaceful silence while doing their school work.

In reality, my brothers and I often took turns working with our mom, and we worked independently or played when it wasn’t our turn. Rarely did we all sit at the table, simultaneously working independently, and being cherubically silent.

Social media can be a helpful tool, but please also find people in your local community who are able to answer your questions. A local person who has kids who are five years older than yours can tell you many more details, and they can tailor their answers to your specific situation. Many writers online strive to be helpful, but they also need to protect their children’s privacy, which is why it’s hard to get answers about tough situations (or even just regular situations with older kids!) on the Internet.

4. Don’t be afraid.

Parents are afraid of failing. They are afraid their children won’t learn what they need to know. They are afraid that their children will miss out on opportunities.

Choosing to manage your child’s education is a massive undertaking. It is normal to feel apprehensive. But if I could tell every first-generation homeschooling parent one thing, it would be this: you can do it. You are more invested in your child’s education than anyone else.

You don’t have to do it alone. There are countless resources available to help you. But you are the principal of your school, and you get to make the decisions. Embrace that!

If you need help finding local homeschool support, I encourage you to reach out to your NCHE regional liaison. They can help you locate a group of people who will come alongside you as you educate your children at home.

Laura McKinney Adams is a wife and mother of three. She holds a bachelor’s degree from Liberty University. While at Liberty, she met her husband, who is a fellow homeschool graduate. She writes about classical education, lifelong learning for moms, and homeschooling the early years at lauramckinneyadams.com.