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I was cleaning up our garage yesterday and clearing off the ping-pong table. I dusted off the table and grabbed the net to set it up, but it was broken. I asked around about who broke it and how. I knew this was a vain endeavor before I began. As usual, no one knew how it was broken, and no one did it. Finding stuff broken at our house is a regular occurrence. I have to be honest; it is one of the most irritating things I experience as a dad. Arguments, unhappy children, half-done chores, and yelling are also on my list of irritants.<\/p>\n
You don\u2019t need me to tell you that parenting and homeschooling are severely challenging at times. We are often left weary and discouraged. However, I have discovered a key that empowers me to be the parent I want to be. This idea may sound cheesy or obvious or abstract, but the key is love<\/em>. Now I know you love your children in principle, but I\u2019m talking about love in action, from the heart, day by day. I know you\u2019d (probably) die in their place, if necessary. But I\u2019m talking about love in action, from the heart, day by day. There are three important aspects of day-in, day-out love I\u2019d like for us to consider.<\/p>\n It\u2019s Not about You However, in 1 Corinthians 13:5 we learn that \u201clove does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful.\u201d So often, our concern is primarily about how things affect us, and when things do not go our way, we become irritable. This attitude is just basic selfishness. But selfishness is the opposite of love. Love is when we do what is best for others, even when it is costly to us. Love is sacrificial. My goal as a loving dad is to do what is best for my kids, not to make sure that I am inconvenienced as little as possible while I parent. If I am really going to work to do what is best for my kids, it\u2019s going to cost me.<\/p>\n That\u2019s one of the key issues of love: It\u2019s not about me. We can experience incredible freedom when we choose the path of love instead of selfishness. We take the sacrifice in stride because we know it’s coming, and we\u2019ve counted the cost. We take it in stride because love says that what is best for my children is more important than what is best for me.<\/p>\n Some Things Aren\u2019t That Important Love helps us to remember what is important. That\u2019s why \u201clove is patient and kind\u201d (1 Corinthians 13:4). That broken net is not important. The extra time and money I have to spend on broken stuff are not all that important compared to the relationship I am building with my children, and my mission of raising followers of Christ.<\/p>\n It\u2019s Not about Making Them Happy Love frees us to say \u201cno\u201d or provide correction to our children with patience and kindness. We don\u2019t have to wait until we are angry to finally say \u201cno.\u201d We don\u2019t have to yell or argue. We sometimes say \u201cno\u201d because we love our children. When that makes them sad or even mad, then we still have the power to do what is best for them, knowing that they will often not understand.\u00a0<\/p>\n Conclusion: Beyond Our Own Abilities [\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text admin_label=”Bio” _builder_version=”4.9.11″ global_module=”1460″ saved_tabs=”all” global_colors_info=”{}”]<\/p>\n\n\t\t
<\/strong>When we find broken ping-pong nets, among many much more expensive damaged items, it can be extremely irritating. However, most of the time when we become angry with our children, it is not \u201crighteous anger.\u201d It is \u201cthis really bugs me\u201d anger. Parents can become angry when we are inconvenienced or feel like things are out of our control. Disrespect and disobedience also sometimes cause anger. We often take personal offense at these actions; no one wants to be treated that way.<\/p>\n
<\/strong>Love helps us to keep things in perspective. It is so easy for us to get bent out of shape over little things. We lose our temper and treat our children with impatience and harshness. When we behave this way, it creates stress on our relationships. It does not build trust and earn respect. It also does not produce what we want to grow in them. Our anger may produce changed behavior motivated by fear, but it does not bear the fruit of a heart-change that comes from a real understanding.<\/p>\n
<\/strong>It has taken me so long to learn this one! I love it when my kids smile and laugh. I want them to have fun and be happy. If I admit it, I also want them to like me because I bring them happiness. However, you don\u2019t have to think about it for very long to realize that always making a child happy is not loving. They don\u2019t have the maturity to know what is good for them. That is why our job is to help them be safe and healthy. We can\u2019t let them play with knives or eat as much ice cream as they want (at least not every day). Sometimes love says \u201cno.\u201d I hate being the guy who says no and disappoints my kids. But I know that \u201clove does not rejoice with evil, but rejoices with the truth\u201d (1 Corinthians 13:6).<\/p>\n
<\/strong>Loving others is the second most important thing God wants us to do (after loving him) (Mark 12:30-31). Love is what God is and what he pours into our hearts (1 John 4:8; Romans 5:5). Love is one of the most obvious indicators of our relationship with God (1 John 4:7). It is not a real surprise that when we learn to truly love our children from the heart, we find an amazing grace from God to parent and homeschool our children far beyond our abilities.<\/p>\n
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