A friend told me about moving to Hawaii years ago and buying a house. Outside was a long wall covered with barren vines when they moved in. They asked a neighbor about the vines, wondering if they should cut them down. The neighbor responded that they should wait because the flowers would be beautiful. So, they waited and waited. Several weeks later, they asked the neighbor again. She smiled and told them to wait a bit longer. Several more weeks went by, and the owners became frustrated with the ugly, dead-looking vines along the wall; they decided that they would cut them down the next day since they clearly were dead. When they went out that next morning, much to their surprise, the entire wall was ablaze with beautiful fuchsia flowers. What seemed dead was, in fact, quite alive after a long period of dormancy. The bougainvilleas (pronounced boo-gun-vail-yuhs) were stunning. In our lives, many times we think things aren’t working, when in fact, they are, but we can’t see the progress.
Have you felt that way with your schooling? I can’t tell you how many questions I answer on social media when a parent is concerned that their child isn’t reading at an appropriate age or math seems lost on them. Try as they might, a parent can’t seem to convey the material to the child. Even when toilet training with their child, parents can be anxious that it isn’t happening fast enough. One of my favorite pediatricians back in the day was T. Barry Brazelton. In a talk one day, he said, “…until a child is ready to be toilet trained, it’s called parent training.” Oh. So that’s what this is! Are you parent-training reading, math, or writing?
Does that mean you should stop? Sometimes. Sometimes, our children just aren’t ready for a concept, and we need to work on other things with them. Sometimes, like with reading, we need to read more to our children until they are ready to take up the mantle on their own. (By the way, we need to read to our kids long after they become independent readers because of the different brain pathways exercised.) Sometimes, it means we keep working on it and know that a child will eventually grasp the concept.
Sometimes, a developmental or medical issue interferes with learning. That’s where discernment comes in. Are there other signs that something is amiss? Understand that getting an outside assessment is okay whenever you can’t figure out what’s happening. But also, don’t be afraid to give it some time. Even when you think nothing is happening, your bougainvillea might just be getting ready to bloom, and you just can’t see it coming. Keep watering, feeding, loving, teaching. One day that light bulb will go on! For me, that’s the true joy of homeschooling.
There is a biblical side to this, too. Hosea 12:6 says, “So by the help of your God, hold fast to love and justice and wait continually for Him.” Psalm 31:14-15 says, “But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord. I say, ‘You are my God.’ My times are in Your hands…” Galatians 6:9 says, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Of course, we are all familiar with Romans 8:25, which says, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.” Waiting is throughout the Bible. Our human nature is impatient. Remember the tale of the bougainvilleas—because your child might need a little more time.
Diane Helfrich is a retired fourteen-year veteran of homeschooling. She is married to David, and they have two children who have flown the nest. In addition to her passion for helping homeschoolers and volunteering as the development director for NCHE, she enjoys reading, card-making, and being part of a ukulele club.