For several years now, you have poured into your children, ensuring they are prepared to leave home with good life skills, the ability to get and retain jobs, the competence to enter higher levels of education, the wherewithal to continue to grow their spiritual life, and the desire and knowledge to maintain their physical bodies. You’ve given them everything you can. Your first child graduated into young adulthood, and the tears came. Your first child is unique in the family; that person was your first baby, your first entry into the world of parenting. It’s hard to let your kids leave home, first, middle, or last, even if they are more than ready to go. Then, suddenly, it seems, your last child graduates and launches into what you hope will be a successful life. In the absence of kids at home, who are you?
I heard a phrase once that hit me hard. “If you are what you do, then when you don’t, you aren’t.” It is so easy to wrap our identities around what we do. When our last child heads out the door and becomes a visitor rather than a permanent resident, it’s easy to feel lost because you are no longer providing the teaching, guidance, and yes, even administration, that have consumed you for years.
My journey with homeschooling was relatively short because I only had two kids; it was fourteen years. Some of you have been homeschooling for well over twenty years. Homeschooling and family have been your primary focus for a long time. It’s been a lifetime. Now, your role is suddenly and permanently altered.
You put a lot of effort into your family. Did you remember to put a lot of effort into yourself? For most of us, the answer is, “No, I didn’t have time.” Let me caution you that your season to start focusing on yourself is now at hand. What hobbies do you have? What do you and your spouse like to do together? Who are your friends who aren’t still consumed with homeschooling? (You aren’t going to weekly co-ops now.) What do you like to read now that you aren’t reading philosophy or British literature to stay a step ahead of your students? The thing is, the end of a homeschooling journey is like losing a career and a community and having a house that feels lonely and a calendar that is almost too simple. It feels empty and hollow. For some, the meaning of your life largely went out the door with the last graduate.
Yet, you have accumulated a significant body of knowledge over your years of homeschooling about what works and what doesn’t. You have learned how to get over the bumps in the road, how to encourage an obstinate learner, how to brave the roads with teaching young drivers, how to keep transcripts, give grades, navigate the dating years, and monitor social media. You are a professional—homeschooler! You have acquired nearly infinite knowledge that you no longer need, but that could be enormously helpful to others.
Have you considered serving the homeschool community? What better way to stay in contact with the friends you had at the co-op? Or better yet, make new friends and broaden your scope. You now have more time than you’ve had in a long time. Let me plant a seed. We would like you to consider serving with NCHE.
We are working to expand our committees by adding non-board members to lighten the load on directors, who are also all volunteers.
- You could serve on the legislative committee that helps keep legislators informed about the homeschooling landscape in our state and alerts homeschoolers to important legislative issues.
- You could serve on a committee that helps keep our website running well.
- We need people to help edit photos and videos.
- In my role as the development director, I use volunteers to help write thank-you notes for donations. But I could also use people with experience writing grants or organizing fundraisers.
- We need writers for GREENHOUSE articles and the Rooted Blog.
- We need volunteers to help with the Thrive! Conference.
- We need people to review scholarship applications and serve as field trip hosts who receive and assist participating homeschool families.
- At the time of writing this article, we still need a region 8 liaison to serve as a source of information for groups and homeschoolers in southeastern NC and be the face of NCHE to them.
- We need mentors to host calls with homeschoolers needing help in a variety of ways.
- We need people to help with NCHEAC, the NCHE sports organization.
This is a partial list. The point is, it’s rewarding to put your long-earned skills and interests to work helping others for a few hours a week. Empty-nesters often have more time, and you absolutely have valuable knowledge to share. Other opportunities to serve include teaching (or continuing to teach) classes at your co-op and serving as a local mentor.
Maybe you are burned out on homeschooling altogether and want to be away from it. The point is still the same. Make a conscious effort to set plans that feel fulfilling. I heartily recommend something that involves helping others, because that’s what you’ve been doing as a homeschool parent, and that’s the part of you that now has much less to do. Helping others will fill your spirit like nothing else.
Plan, get excited, and take action to fill the void. You will be glad you did in more ways than I can describe. Remember, too, that this is part of self-care, which has probably been lacking for a while. That is what’s next!
P.S. If you would like to work with NCHE, go to NCHE.com and look for the tab on the upper right that says “Partner.” That’s where you can let us know how you might like to serve.
